(no subject)

[oceantheorem]

Cycle down, cycle down!

Back into the feelings of inferiority... "I'll never get into grad school," "If I got in they'd figure out I'm dumb," "I'm filler people," "I don't work hard enough," etc. Grah. I think these mental cycles are hormonal. Or brought on by finals.

At any rate, it rained today and I loved it. And I feel like an underachiever.

I finished the grading, though. Too bad I haven't done problems 10 and 16 of the pchem homework.

In other news, Jamie made me a CD and it makes me cry.

Comments

[either-or.livejournal.com]

i know for a fact that i don't work hard enough. and nobody's figured out that i'm dumb yet!

just act like you belong and it'll be fine.

[oceantheorem.livejournal.com]

I guess that's worked so far. Do you ever feel like a sham, though? Sometimes I feel like I'm just pretending, and it's pure luck that I don't get found out.

But on good days I really do feel like I know what I'm doing. I just wish I had more than one good day per quarter... *slaps self* Time to stop the self-pity! Time to go work on pchem homework. It is perpetually time to go work on pchem homework.

[either-or.livejournal.com]

i would feel like a sham if i wasn't so thoroughly convinced that everyone else is just as much of a fraud as i am. i'm just more aware of it. and i think the entire system is a pretty messed up, too. so that really helps me to not take things too seriously. it is a GAME (and i'm a good player). really. there are strategies that tend to matter more than skill or affinity ever could.

it only counts as faking it if everyone else is being real. and they aren't. so don't worry about it.

[knighteddawn.livejournal.com]

That makes me feel so much better about modern Academia.

[oceantheorem.livejournal.com]

That does actually make me feel better. In a twisted sort of way.

I guess I'm just always afraid that I'm missing something... like everyone else is equipped with something I don't have, and I have to fight extra hard to keep up. But I'm doing okay.

[oceantheorem.livejournal.com]

I'm applying to UCSF, Yale, Harvard, Berkeley, and UC Santa Barbara. I'm applying in Biochem or Molecular Bio at each school, for Ph.D. programs. I'd like to get my Ph.D. and... um... the goals sort of peter out from there. Maybe have my own lab at a university, maybe go into industry, maybe work for the CIA... probably have a lab at a university.

I don't remember if I expressly posted all that. I guess I sort of assumed that everyone could read my mind and knew what I'd decided.

What are you up to?

[oceantheorem.livejournal.com]

Hmm. That link doesn't work.

[oceantheorem.livejournal.com]

Well, what was behind the link?

[oceantheorem.livejournal.com]

Gah! My browser still won't go there. I think it's trying to tell me to get off the stupid internet and get back to studying.

[oceantheorem.livejournal.com]

You're not cramming! You're commenting on livejournals!

(Then again, so am I, and my final is at 8 am. Granted, it's only 8:35 here, but I also have a second final at noon tomorrow....)

[crazypumpkin.livejournal.com]

Just because I know some people prefer to be told, I friended you.
And I too have the fear that I'll never get into grad school :(

[oceantheorem.livejournal.com]

Cool. Thanks for the notification. I probly would never have noticed otherwise. :-P

Friended you back. I'm Kara, nice to meet you.

[crazypumpkin.livejournal.com]

Alissa. Nice to meet you too :)