oceantheorem: (turtle love)
Oh, what a terrible week.
Thursday night I stayed up late working on the fake grant/term paper, and around 2 am I collapsed into bed, hyped up on caffeine but way too exhausted to write anything coherent.
At about 3 am, my eyes opened and I saw my room, and I "saw" someone come into the room to attack me. I distantly knew that I was asleep, and tried to get up so I could defend myself, but I couldn't move. I somehow flung myself out of bed, but couldn't get any sort of finer movement control, so I stumbled/fell in various directions, trying to get hold of something I could use to defend myself, but really not being able to move at all. I realized in the back of my mind that I had to wake up, so I started yelling at myself to wake up, except I couldn't speak either, so it came out as more of a croaked, "Kaaarrra! Kaarrrra!" Somehow I fell back into the bed and couldn't get up again, and the guy was going to hurt me, and I jerked awake, and the creepy thing is that I'm pretty sure my eyes had already been open, because I was looking at the exact same scene in my bedroom, just minus an attacker. I mean, lighting, angles, position of stuff on floor, all exactly the same. It was sooo scary. I jumped out of bed, turned on all the lights, and called Evan, who talked me down and gave me some good suggestions for how to recover. After we got off the phone, I curled up in front of the computer (all the lights in the apartment still on), and watched two episodes of Lost (okay, I see the irony in watching Lost to calm yourself down...). I think I got back to sleep around 5 or 5:30...

I woke up after about four hours and sort of got back to work. I finished the grant around 1, and went into lab around 2 to feed my cells. After that, I stopped by the Baserga lab to say hello, and to let them know I was okay, because I'd been in the day before twice and had not been in good shape. I hung out with them for an hour or so and then went to the dog park with Kat when her girlfriend picked her up with their dogs. Then all three of us went to Emily H's going-away party (she's transferring to Dartmouth). And after THAT I went waltzing with a couple other classmates. It was a crazy night, but lots of fun, and it felt great to not be writing that stupid grant.

Yesterday morning I woke up to go shopping with Nolan (Kat's girlfriend). We went to Target, and I got a navy blue linen skirt, a creamsicle-colored linen shirt, and a pair of jeans. Then I came home and went out again, to see TMNT with another friend. It was a really good movie, surprisingly, especially considering I barely remember watching the TV show when I was little. I think I was too young for it.
Yesterday evening there was a triple birthday gathering at Sullivan's, the Irish pub downtown that I adore, so Emily and I went to that and got wonderfully drunk. Then Kat and Nolan picked us up and took us to a lesbian bar in Hartford, so we could dance to decent music and meet some of their friends. Emily and I pretended to be together whenever anyone we didn't know looked at us, and danced, and drank, and had a wonderful time. For me, it was like being back inside spring quarter last year, dancing at the Dakota with the gay boys and loving life. It was a strange blend of past and present, and made me feel a little happier about Connecticut.

Actually, many things lately have made me a little happier about Connecticut. I noticed myself thinking, "I love New Haven" the other day, and while I don't think it's necessarily true (although, I could love just about ANYthing), I think it's a good sign that my hatred of New Haven is wearing off, and I'm not resisting the change as much anymore. I'm giving in! I'm adjusting! Yay!

It's raining terribly today, which is actually acceptable, because it's clearly a spring storm, and I'm inside all warm and happy. I bought a book yesterday, Neil Gaiman's Stardust, and have spent most of the afternoon reading it in bed, all huddled up and enjoying being in a fantasy world again. One thing I don't like about grad school is the relative lack of time in which I can read fiction without feeling guilty; so many of my reading hours are spent reading scientific articles and learning wonderful things about how cells work, which is wonderful, but into every life some imagination must fall. Today has been a good day. It's been a good weekend in general, and I feel six orders of magnitude better than I did 72 hours ago.

Also, I may have developed a new crush. I suppose I shouldn't say too much more, for fear of jinxing it, but if things continue the way they are going, perhaps soon I will be able to say that my crush has amounted to something real. In the meantime, I'm getting sort of girlishly giddy about the whole thing.

Also also, I'm going to be a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding in July!!! I have to say that this is the most excited I've been in a long time. I'm gonna be a bridesmaid! And wear a pretty dress and be in my favorite cousin's wedding! I'm ecstatic!
Also, I am going to knit her something red and lovely and wonderful for her wedding gift, although I have no idea yet what form that something will take.

And now, I'm off to Emily's to watch Firefly and knit, and then to another friend's house to watch Angel.
oceantheorem: (yay omg yay kermit)
I have lots to update about, so hopefully this post will remind me tomorrow to make a real entry, as I am currently slightly tipsified and therefore not in prime writing state of mind.

I am soooo (oooooooooooo) glad the grant is done. It's spectacularly bad, but it's turned in and done, and I'm sure I'll do fine gradewise on both the assignment and in the class. Now... now I just have to... write another one....

I took today sort of off, and went shopping with a friend (and got new clothes for the first time since last September!!!), then saw the TMNT movie, then went out drinking and ooohhh, it felt so good to be drunk again. Perhaps I will still become a drunkard and live out the rest of my days pipetting whilst tipsy. Science and vodka, together at last!

It is very late. I am going to bed now.

Life is good! (I'm so glad I'm a happy drunk....)


Feb. 12th, 2007 05:20 pm
oceantheorem: (I shall not waste my days in trying to p)
I have returned from an extremely relaxing weekend in Vermont, sporting a broken toe. I spent Saturday afternoon at the spa with one friend while everyone else went skiing. The spa was incredible; jacuzzi, waterfall massage thing, hot mineral bath, water with cucumbers in it... I've never been so relaxed. I fell asleep with cucumbers on my eyes and have never had such a good nap.

Saturday night we had a 30-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon. We drank 26 of them between three people, and I was extraordinarily drunk. Ali and Mike dyed my hair (brown, to cover up the blue, because I'm so over the colored hair thing)(and they missed a few spots, so I'll be redoing it sometime this week), and then I vaguely remember smashing into something and yelping in pain. I suppose that it must have been fairly painful for me to have felt it while so inebriated. I woke up Sunday morning with an excruciating hangover and an excruciating toe. So I went back to sleep and didn't get up again until afternoon. I can walk on the toe, though, so I guess it can't be that bad. It's currently taped to its neighbor and doing just fine, but I'm a bit worried about climbing later this week. How am I supposed to squish this toe into a shoe already designed to be too small and pinchy?

Anyway, Vermont is exactly how you would imagine it. Or rather, how I had imagined it. It's snowy (why is New Haven the only place in New England without snow?) and beautiful and there are tiny Christmas towns all over the place. They sell maple syrup in every store. There's a lot of cheese, too. I don't know if the people are as nice as everyone says, because we really only interacted with the few people working at the grocery store and the tourist shops we visited. But it is a beautiful, fairy-tale-ish state, and hopefully I'll get to spend a lot of time there in the future.

I feel all rejuvenated and refreshed. I couldn't stop singing today in lab.

Anyway. I've got homework and errands.
oceantheorem: (cheat lightswitch rave)
The prospectives are here! )
oceantheorem: (martini truth)
All right, fuck it with the secrecy. I don't make friends-only posts anymore because I got tired of hiding my feelings, and so I've simply been censoring what I type. But now I'm sick of that too, and everyone knows my secrets as of today, so fuck it. Well, most of my secrets, anyway. There are a few I won't commit to the internet.

People here are vindictive. )
oceantheorem: (I am volatile chemistry)
Let me preface this by saying that I am drunk, and therefore anything I update about cannot be held against me.

In the last couple of days, a lot has happened. I walked several miles Thursday night, alone, in the cold, and saw the luminaria on the Green and sat in front of a church and thought about my life and where it's going and whether or not I'm happy here. And I'm not. And maybe I'm just not used to New England, and maybe I left the real me behind in Santa Cruz, tipsy on a beach on a May afternoon after a day of climbing and a bit of drinking at the Seabright Brewery. But even so, maybe this just isn't the right place for me. I'm not fitting in here, I don't feel at home here. Would I feel more at home at UCSF? Did I make the wrong decision?

It snowed yesterday. And it was windy and the powder blew straight into my face and stung my cheeks. Maybe I was wrong to be excited for winter?

I also learned how to knit yesterday, and am now on my way to making a scarf. I feel very... domestic.

Anyway. There's an 8-10 page paper for 603 I haven't chosen a topic for yet, and Monday we're getting take-home exams for 602, and 625 has a shit-ton of stuff coming up, so I'm going to go get some sleep and try to think of sunny things. I hadn't realized I liked the sun so much, but damn I miss the temperate nature of California. Right, anyway, I was saying--I'm going to bed.
oceantheorem: (vodka carpet ship)
The last couple days have been a little weird. Sort of like throwbacks to the beginning of the semester; and even though I feel like I just got here, it seems like the beginning of the semester was a thousand years ago.
Yesterday Shannon came over for dinner, and we sort of reenacted Thanksgiving. It was kind of neat; for the first time in my life I hosted a "dinner party," with food that I had made and a table that I had set and a clean apartment. Shannon brought her green bean casserole to add to the turkey and mashed potatoes and gravy. It was a good meal.
Afterwards we went to GPSCY and hung out with some friends. A couple guys bought me drinks and I took a shot of jager, which was interesting. I've only had jager a couple of times, and the first time was freshman year of college over Christmas break at Darby's house, so every time I taste it I think of Christmas. And I always forget how little jager it takes to get tipsy. I was pretty drunk when I got home, and this morning I woke up and stumbled about the apartment for a few minutes wondering why I had a massive headache, until I belatedly realized that I had a hangover.

Today was kinda rough. I had a meeting with a professor this morning, which went well, but after that I stumbled down to the other side of campus to go to lab, and just couldn't handle research. I swear I almost fell asleep in my lunch, and even though the only thing I did today was a transformation, I felt like moving the tube from one incubator to another required too much energy.

I came home at 3:30 and fell asleep and slept until 7. I guess I really had too much to drink last night and not enough sleep. Anyway, when I woke up, I went to the MCDB departmental party at the Peabody Museum. There were tiny children there, but they had free alcohol, so life was good. After that, a large group of us went to Elizabeth's house for a wine and cheese party, which was awesome. She throws great parties.
After THAT, Shannon and Elizabeth and I got dressed up for the GPSCY party. GPSCY was sponsoring a "Heaven and Hell" ball tonight, and there was no cover for people in costume. Shannon and Elizabeth went on the dark side, and I wore a silver dress and shoes and went as an angel. For the first time in a long time, I felt attractive. The weird thing was that there was a group of guys we sort of went with, which grew after we arrived, and was comprised of some really hot physicists, but none of them seemed interested in me until the last three songs, at which point one of them latched onto me and danced with me (and I should add that he was an impressive dancer; great endurance, he must practice) and then asked me for my number. No one has ever asked me for my number before. I was floored, so I sort of hesitated, but I gave it to him. I hope he calls. But they never call, right?

Anyway, I'm sober now. I'm home and I finally took off my dress--reluctantly, because I've had it for two months and only worn it tonight, and like I said, I felt attractive in it--and watched another episode of Weeds and am maybe moving towards bed now. I'm exhausted, mentally and physically and emotionally, and bleh. I think I just lost my train of thought.

I might get to work with human embryonic stem cells next semester.

I want to learn to play pool.

I LOVE turkey leftovers. And the gravy I made is SO good, which is awesome, because it took me an hour to make it. Luckily I had to keep adding more things to thicken/thin/add flavor, so there's a TON of it. Yummy.

Anyway, Guy Policy has now been updated to: I am celibate in mind and body UNLESS a guy I might like makes an aggressive first move, which I am defining as asking me on some sort of one-on-one date, in which case if I like him I will go with the flow. But I'm not making any more first moves, because I am sick of putting myself out there only to have every single guy be completely uninterested in me.

Bed time.

P.S. Should have used this icon last night. Oh well.
oceantheorem: (martini truth)
I haven't made a drunk post in a looong time and I just wanted to say that grad school is going well this week, even if my rotation project is going up in flames, or down in flames, or whatever projects do when they fail horribly.

I'm so tempted to leave in all my typos, but then this entry really wouldn't be legible....

Anyway, super drunk and maybe going to watch some more Weeds now, and eat turkey leftovers because I made a turkey and it lives in my fridge and I rock.

oceantheorem: (vodka carpet ship)
It's late. I only seem to write when I really don't have time to write. I did get a lot written in my paper journal this weekend--the three-hour bus ride up to Cape Cod gave me plenty of time to get my thoughts onto paper. It always feels good to put things down in black ink and then close my journal on them. It's so cathartic, and the act of doing it helps sort everything out.

Anyway. The retreat was awesome. Woods Hole is this adorable little tiny New England harbor town in Cape Cod, and looks exactly like what you'd imagine a little tiny New England harbor town in Cape Cod would look like. The houses were wood shingle, the sidewalks were skinny, there were trees everywhere, there's only one bar in town, there are small fishing boats upside down on the sides of the roads, there's really only one main loop through town and it takes less than half an hour to walk it.... I couldn't live there for a prolonged period of time, but I loved it. I'd love to spend little bits and pieces of time there.

Also, autumn has come to New England. I am very excited about this. For the first time since I was seven, I smelled autumn this weekend. The air in Cape Cod had a crisp, clean, cold smell that I vaguely remember smelling last in Alaska. Reno doesn't smell anything like that in fall. It gets cold, but it doesn't smell cold the same way. The leaves here are all turning red and orange and yellow and I used to think I hated that, but it's so gorgeous here I don't know how I ever thought I didn't like autumn. There are a lot of things I'm realizing I've always loved but was just never aware of. I love the way the air smells early in the morning here in autumn, and I love the sight of red and orange trees along a road by the beach. Santa Cruz doesn't have trees that turn red and orange. It has redwoods, which are green all year round (which I loved). So this is a very exciting change for me. I'm really looking forward to deep fall, and to winter.

The retreat itself was a lot of fun. We had to listen to an inordinate amount of talks, each of which was half an hour long, and they were presented in groups of five. As you move into the second hour of talks, you start to go a little numb, and somewhere about the middle of the fourth talk your brain sort of clicks in the way that small pieces of metal click when they fall onto a sidewalk, and that's just the end of it. You can't possibly absorb any more new information. So while I struggled to entertain myself in a dark auditorium for about 20% of the lectures, overall they were mostly interesting, and I learned a few things.

I'm gonna go to bed now, since it's late and I only got four hours of sleep last night. But I will leave you with this sentence, which I think conveys the basic idea of what I did Friday and Saturday nights:
Last night, around 3 am, one of the professors stopped taking shots long enough to come over to where we (a small group of first-years) were standing, and ask us if we would help form a human pyramid, which we did.
Photographic evidence will eventually be posted here. Stay tuned.
I'm going to go sleep off the remains of the worst hangover I've had since freshman year of college.

Car names.

Jun. 28th, 2006 12:51 am
oceantheorem: (road trip)
Oookay, time to vote on a name for my car! Please feel free to suggest names not mentioned here. Hurray for livejournal polls at 1 a.m.

[Poll #757740]
oceantheorem: (I shall not waste my days in trying to p)
Sooooo... long week.

I'm currently drunk, thanks in large part to going first to Quiz Night at 99 Bottles with Stephanie from my lab, and then to dancing night at the Dakota with Rainier and his gang, and also thanks in part to the people who kept buying me drinks tonight. If I remembered their names, I would deserve a cookie. But I'm bad with names. So just a general thank you to the universe, and when I have a functioning bank account again (BofA, please send me my new debit card!!!) I will pass on the love and buy other people alcohol.

Anyway. Long week. I went climbing on Sunday and ended up just bouldering for an hour, and my hands have been horribly shredded since. Then I went climbing with Neal last night, and did really really well. Or maybe the routes I did were just rated harder than they really were. But it was a fun evening of climbing. I then came home and stayed up until 3 am working on my final project for photography.

I have officially failed French. Congratulations to me, it is the first thing I have ever failed at. Yay for growing up and sucking more and more.

I'm just about ready to be rid of this town. I'm still occasionally suffering from a desire to stay here and finish things up, but as graduation approaches I just get sicker and sicker of classes and all this undergraduate shit. I'm ready to go off to grad school and have a real identity and maybe a real life, and figure out what I'm actually going to do with myself for the next fourty years.

And why isn't forty spelled fourty? It makes so much more sense that way.

Okay, I'ma take my drunk self off to bed, 'cause I have to wake up for my last photography class ever in four hours. Wishing it was fourty, but it's not. Just four.
oceantheorem: (cheat lightswitch rave)
Wow. Being 21 is awesome. I haven't danced like that since high school.


May. 10th, 2006 11:49 am
oceantheorem: (cheat lightswitch rave)
Yesterday was a great day. Yay for 21st birthdays! I hung out with Neal and Stephane Monday night. We made fudge and played cards and dominoes, and at midnight they took me to a liquor store on Mission and I bought my first alcohol. I got a bottle of Cognac. Haven't opened it yet though.

I only got about four hours of sleep that night, so yesterday I was pretty wiped out. Class at 8 am, hung out in the library for a little while (reading... had had too much coffee to nap), then sailing in the afternoon... Sailing was AMAZING yesterday. It was a beautiful day, and Ann and I have figured out how to maneuver the boat, so there wasn't any panicky screaming this week. And as we were heading back to the harbor, a pod of dolphins came over to check us out, and swam around us for about five minutes. SO COOL.

More... )


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