Passion

 We bought a house!

On Feb 13th, our agent said, "Do you want to see a house before it goes on the market? The sellers want out fast. I can show it to you tomorrow at 11:30am." Chris and I both said, "Yeah, we can take a long lunch for that."

On Feb 14th we met at the house and spent, between the three of us, still less than 60 minutes inside the house. We drafted an offer that evening. It waived all inspections and contingencies. We told the sellers they could cancel the proposed floor repair work they had planned for Feb 16th.

On Feb 15th our offer was submitted at 8am. At 5pm the sellers accepted.

The first thing Chris looked up was whether we can have chickens in our new city.

We can.

We close on March 8th.

o.0

We got the Redwood City place.

Haven't updated in ages. September was a month of ridiculous travel: we went to DragonCon, then I went to Zion National Park, and then I went to LA for a wedding. I'm finally home from everything and trying to get my life, my job, and my bank account back on track...

...and also planning Thanksgiving and a possible trip in December. My life is awesome.

I've been kinda flaily the last few days. I found a new author on teh intarwebs, and read a bunch of his articles, and came across one about how NaNoWriMo is terrible. Because most people fail, and then those people think they can't be writers.

Holy crap, I thought. That happened to me. That goddamn happened to me.

And I'd already been a bit flaily about work for... oh... a few years (ha! no, but really, the last two months have been kinda trying). What am I DOING? Do I want to keep doing lame lab tech benchwork for the rest of my life? I mean, sure, it's relatively easy, and I'm relatively good at it, but it's also pretty boring and not very meaningful. It's... honestly, it's not even paying very well. I want to be doing something more interesting, and more challenging, and something less... irrelevant?

I don't know what that "something" is. It's probably NOT writing.  It did take me a while to realize that one can "be a writer" without writing novels, and I still don't think I want to write novels (though maybe I'm wrong. I do want to revisit that last failed NaNo story and see if I can fix it now that I'm not trying to slavishly produce 1667 words every day. it had time travel AND pirates). But trying to create a blog or a large base of short stories or some other written body of work that would produce income also sounds pretty horrifying. And like a really good way to kill my passion for writing altogether.

So, I'm still pretty flaily about what I want to do with my career, but after a couple of days of intense thought, and several really good conversations with my spouse and my incredibly intelligent friends, I think I am going to start a blog. And write about non-traditional life choices - everything from sexuality to diet to childlessness. I set up a wordpress and I'll link over to it once I've got a few articles up. I have ideas for a bunch already, and I guess I'm sitting here writing this instead of over there writing those because I still kinda needed to give myself a pep talk telling me it's okay to do it. Even if it won't make money (I expect not to). Even if I don't keep up with it for five or ten or fifteen or two years (I... expect not to). At least I will be doing something creative, something I enjoy, something that will stretch my brain a little - and maybe something that will help other people think about the way they live their lives.

I'm not sure anything in particular really needs to be written, but it's nearly noon, and I'm at work with nothing to do, and I am bored, and I want to write.

We found a new place to live and started moving in earlier this week. Unfortunately, our gorgeous, beautiful, spacious new house (which we'll be sharing with three housemates) attacked me on the first night, and I had to get my kneecap x-rayed on Monday to make sure I hadn't shattered it. I'm mostly fine now, and am off the crutches already, but my knee is still very sore, and stairs in particular are still problematic. So I'm not doing much at work today. Just sitting. It's better than sitting in the new house without anything at all to do - at least there is internet here, and I had a long chat with Ulf this morning about science - but it's still pretty boring. So I might as well catch up on writing and other creative pursuits.

Overall, life is really good. We love the new house. I'm still very much in love with San Francisco, and am thrilled to be moving to an area that will test that love a little less - we're leaving the high-crime, filthy, noisy downtown/SoMa area and will no longer have crackheads and other bums screaming in the alley outside our apartment every night. The new house is on a street with a bunch of other houses, and the only noises I heard last night were a cat yowling and a dog barking. I can handle these noises.

Also, there is a coffee shop literally across the street. This is bliss.

Our social calendar has been delightfully full lately. We've had board game nights and hiking excursions and dinners with friends. We're both pretty happy with our social circle here. It feels solid and supportive. I'm so glad we moved out here. I miss our Michigan friends, but California is so great in so many ways....

Let's see... what else is new? Jim went Paleo, and has stopped eating all grains and sugar. He's lost a lot of weight. I worry about how much protein he's eating and how he avoids any carbohydrates at all, but he says he'll stop being so drastic about it once he gets back to his target weight (and he's nearly there). I have not gone Paleo, though I am at Jim's mercy for dinner since he's the cook in our family, and I have also tried to cut out sugar. I've lost about fifteen pounds this summer, kind of accidentally. I guess sugar is a lot worse for weight than I had thought. I now weigh what I did in high school, which is shocking (and delightful!). I had to buy new pants. And shirts. (Woe is me, right? How terrible. I just wish we actually had a budget that allowed for a new wardrobe right now.)

Yeah. I think that's it for now. I'm not feeling terribly introspective at the moment. Just wanted to get down a snapshot of where life is at the moment. 

1. What did you do in 2012 that you've never done before?
Well, I got married. So that was new!

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I never make resolutions. I remain resolute that I never shall. :-P

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Uh, not that I remember. Some family members did (and one lj friend!), but no one I talk to on a regular basis.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

BUT some really close friends got married. I got to be a bridesmaid in Mike and Eliz's wedding, and that was really, really cool.

5. What states/countries did you visit?
Um. Michigan, Ohio, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Nebraska, Wyoming, Utah, Nevada, California, Connecticut, Massachusetts, Vermont. Also, England, Scotland, France, and Germany.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
Foresight? Any ability to plan whatsoever? Creativity maybe. I need to work on that.

7. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Well, I got married on April 22nd. That was pretty cool. :-) Also, we moved to California on August 1st, and words can't even express how happy I am to be back.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Hmm. Biggest thing I achieved...? Finally getting back to California? Getting a good job in California? Not sure. Those both feel like inadequate answers.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Still being terrible about follow-through.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing major, though I seem to keep re-breaking the same pinky toe, and that's obnoxious.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
This is kind of a sad question. Really? We're elevating monetary purchases to status of Must-Be-Remembered-Next-Year? Can't we ask something like, "What's the best thing you created?" instead? The best thing I created was probably our wedding. It was very us, and we worked together to make it exactly what we wanted, and I think it turned out to be an incredibly personal and wonderful celebration.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Um, Jim is pretty damn impressive. Both our moms have been pretty cool, too. Jim's parents are both really amazing people, actually. And I definitely want to highlight how absolutely amazing everyone who came to our wedding was. It would not have been what it was without the support and effort all of our friends and family put in, from the table runner my mom knit to the plates my friends put on the tables to the dress my friend made. Jim's cousin paid for my dad's hotel room. I mean, geez. Above and beyond. I was blown away by how hard everyone worked to make our wedding incredible. Thank you.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Humanity's in general. Can't we freakin' be nice to each other? Is it going to take an alien invasion for us to realize we're all humans and worthy of the same respect we demand for ourselves?

14. Where did most of your money go?
Student loan repayments. And rent. Ugh, rent.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
DRAGON*CON!!!!!! It's basically like Christmas for nerds.

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
Um. Someone else mentioned this, but We Are Young by ... who sings that? The internet says "Fun." Fun? That's a band name? Oh my god, I'm old.
Train: Hey Soul Sister
Jason Mraz: I'm Yours (our wedding song)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
- happier or sadder? Waaaaaaay happier
- thinner or fatter? About the same. Maybe slightly thinner.
- richer or poorer? Monetarily? Who the hell knows. Abstractly? Oh man, so much richer. Life is so much better now. I have an amazing husband and a good job and I love living near the ocean and closer to my family, and I'm getting to know my dad, and learning a new creative hobby, and things are just GOING SO WELL.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Eesh. It would have been hard to have packed anything else into this year, honestly. But more planning and adhering to plans would have been helpful. (Europe would have been more fun if we'd done, like, ANY planning at ALL.)

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Sleeping. I wish I didn't need so much sleep. Why does my body need so much sleep??

20. How did you spend Christmas?
Quietly, with Jim, in our apartment, playing video games. It was wonderful and absolutely unremarkable. Perfect.

21. How will you be spending New Years?
I spent it playing video games online with distant friends. Jim was out working. I am content. 

22. Did you fall in love in 2012?
No.

23. How many one-night stands?
None.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
Errr, of all time? Or of this year? What came out this year? Uh. Still enjoying How I Met Your Mother

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't think I actually hate ANYONE.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Train, actually. I didn't like them when I was younger, but I think they're great now. Have you heard the song 50 Ways To Say Goodbye? HILARIOUS.

27. What did you want and get?
California and an endless, fabulous, organic supply of ripe avocados. Ooooh avocados. I could write sonnets for you.

28. What did you want and not get?
Uhhh. Nothing comes to mind, really. This was actually an amazing year.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
I don't think I liked ANY of the movies I saw this year. :-P Cloud Atlas and The Hobbit were both awful, and I can't remember seeing anyth- OH THE AVENGERS. That was really good. Joss Whedon, I love you.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Um, I turned 27. It was just a few days after we got back from our honeymoon in Europe, and I was sick, and I don't think it was particularly good, but that's okay. Europe was good and that was fine. :-)

31. What one thing would have made your year?
Ha, I think my year WAS made. I mean, can you ask for much more than marrying an amazing person and moving to the best place in the world? I mean, we went to a spa at the foot of the Alps, with friends, on a gorgeous spring day. Can you ask anything more of life than relaxing in a hot tub while surrounded by good people, staring at a mountain lake and a blue sky?

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Solid colors. Knee-length or longer skirts whenever possible. I started buying multiples of shirts that fit well, because it's so rare that I find ones I like. The more unremarkable and plain they are, the more I like them.

33. What was the best book you read?
Oooh. Um. Well, I just finished The Way of Kings, and that was really good. Oh - but WOOL was way better. Did I read that this year? Man, this year has been really, really long, hasn't it?

34. What kept you sane?
Jim. And endless books on my kindle, and music on my phone. And I drank a LOT of $4 Trader Joe's Blue Fin Petite Syrah.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Eh? This is another bizarre question. We should delete this one from the list next year.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Oy. I get pretty wound up about feminism, and abortion, and education, and the military. But overall I'm really just appalled that we can't all agree to be nice to each other, and to take care of each other.

37. Whom did you miss?
This list is so long, every year. :-(  Nanny. Ann. Eliz, Mike, Kristy, Emily, Clark, Stef, Richard, my mom, Ellie, the whole HPKCHC knitting group I seem to have somehow grown away from, my cat, and a few people I shouldn't miss but I did anyway. Aaron, George, Jamie. Someday hopefully I will stop missing those three.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Hmm. I really liked some of the people from the failed housing experiment our first month here. Damian was cool. I also really like my new coworkers. Sharon (and her metalworking from her garage!) has been an inspiration for me to be more creative, and is part of why I'm managing to muster the courage to try leatherwork. Ulf has motivated me to be a better scientist and to learn faster, when I always thought I was a quick learner. Everyone has room for improvement, I guess! But really, I wasn't blown away by any particular new person this year.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.
Uhhh. Everyone has room for improvement? People have an incredible, untapped, powerful ability to love and to help one another. A society based on money necessarily squelches that by pitting us against one another instead of fostering cooperation.

40. A quote or song lyric that sums up your year:
...I'll be giving it my bestest
And nothing's gonna stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damm you're free
Look into your heart and you will find love love love love

Listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing
We're just one big family
And it's our God-forsaken right to be loved loved loved


If I'd read this entry ten years ago, or even five years ago, I don't think I would have recognized myself (the last time I filled out this questionnaire, that I can find, was 2006. it makes me cry to read it - oh, I was so not in a good place that year.). It has been a CRAZY decade. I am not the same person, but I think that's okay. Even good. Not that I wasn't a good person a decade ago, but I have come a long way. I hope I keep growing over the next decade. Hello, Kara of 2023. Do I even recognize you?

I skipped over some stuff with my last entry (which I posted to G+ first, and then decided I wanted archived, so I put it here too).

Jim got his second paycheck from Knight. It was for negative $1400. He quit. They said he had reported his work "late" and that he would get paid "in the next check", but they couldn't tell him how much he'd get paid. And he had been told three or four different deadlines for the reporting, so it was hardly his fault that he missed the real one.

We bought a Prius. It's a 2005, and it's gold. I hated it for the first day, but when I finally got a chance to drive it on Sunday it immediately won me over. It's fairly comfortable. It has automatic windows, locks, and transmission (well, sort of. it's got Prius transmission). It's like driving a computer - if you have the key in your pocket, the door unlocks automatically when you approach the car. You get in, still with the key in your pocket, put your foot on the brake, and press the round Power button, and the car turns on. You move a lever until the display reads Reverse or Drive, and then move your foot to the gas and the car goes - all with the key still in your pocket. It's insane. It's like driving a spaceship.

We named her Serenity.

Jim went to a meet and greet for SideCar, his new company, Friday evening. It's a ridesharing company that is essentially a taxi service, but cheaper, more reliable, faster, and WAY less creepy. It's all coordinated through smartphone apps. I tagged along in the passenger seat Friday night while Jim gave rides around the city for a couple hours, and it was a lot of fun. We got to chat with interesting people, and we made like $100 in two hours. I think this'll be a much better job for Jim, at least in the short term.

This weekend was supposed to be a mess in the city, so I flipped through event listings on the web to see if anything in particular looked like fun. I found a listing for a steampunk/Oktoberfest combination dance, and we decided to go. This meant we had to put together costumes, so we went wandering around our neighborhood Saturday morning to find thrift stores. We got some decent costume pieces and cobbled a look together, though we didn't have any accessories or anything (no goggles or awesome boots or leather of any kind). The dance was a lot of fun. They had victorian waltzes in addition to polkas, plus a few set dances they taught on the spot, and we had a blast. I even got to wear my nice dancing shoes, which I haven't done since the wedding. We got some fliers for some other events by this group, and we'll definitely be going to more of them.

Sunday we drove Jim's semi to the nearest Knight lot, which was four hours away, in the central valley. Serenity averaged just under 50 miles per gallon (she's meant for city driving, not highway, but I still think that's pretty impressive!). Jim and I played "what's that crop?" on the way through Gilroy and the surrounding area. It's a little sad that we don't recognize fields of bell peppers or strawberries or garlic on the spot. If I had a kid I would insist on having a garden and making the kid help grow our food. Maybe once we get a house I'll start a garden anyway. I should be mature enough by now not to kill plants just by looking at them.

All in all, I'm loving living here. We've settled, I think, and I feel better than I've felt in years. I'm in better shape. Running and biking are enjoyable - my body RESPONDS to requests for action, in a I CAN DO THIS kind of way instead of a OH HELL THIS HURTS kind of way. It's giddying. I feel happy. I am home, and things are of course not perfect, but I made it back to California, after a thousand million years away, and it keeps getting better and it's going to keep getting better. This is good.

Also, you know how I said I was afraid Jim would get paid for the first three weeks of his current job and it would be $300? Well, I was wrong.

He got paid for the first two weeks, and it's $411. Including flight reimbursement to Phoenix.

He is actually losing money working at this job.

A friend linked me to this article today. It's interesting, but long, so I'll summarize it here if you want to skip it: San Francisco used to be home to the weird, the outcasts, the hippies who tried new things and lived art, but in the last ten years it's slipped into a new thing, a tech central filled with new money and young kids from Elsewhere who know how to program but don't know how to relax after work, and the entire culture of the city has changed. The old character has been priced out and replaced with the overflow from Palo Alto.

I noticed this. We got here and I started apologizing profusely to Jim. This is not the California I remembered, this is not the San Francisco I talked up, this is not the city I thought we were moving to. This city is harsh and fast and unforgiving. I remembered organic food and the smell of weed on street corners and lazy mornings spent lounging in the sun with a beer while discussing all the wealth of possibility the world holds. This is not that city.

The sad thing is that this is still home to me. I don't know what makes a place home, but this one is mine. I think of all the awful things, the high rent and the ridiculously out of place racecars and the feeling that nothing you do matters because no one cares... and then I look out my window and see the lights of a thousand apartments rolling over Potrero Hill to our south, and the fog rolling in from behind us to coat the buildings to our north, the smell of salt and the sound of sirens, and it just feels like home. I belong here. It's heartbreaking. What if I'd come here six years ago? How different would it have been? Would I have needed to stay here after it changed underneath me? How do I translate this feeling of belonging into something Jim can understand? Can I feel this attachment to other places in California? What the hell is wrong with me? Who falls in love with a 7x7 square of land?

On a particularly wet, miserable day in England during our honeymoon, Jim and I ducked into a store to escape the cold and wet misery, and saw this book on a shelf:

Apparently you won't think it's funny if you're not British, and we didn't buy it, but "Is it just me or is everything shit?" has become sort of our mantra for things that really, really suck. Like awful parties you have to attend because of social obligations, or conversations about homeless people and how our society doesn't take care of them, or San Francisco altogether. Because San Francisco is sort of shit. Maybe five years ago it wasn't. Or maybe it still isn't if you're a tourist. But this has been the worst three weeks I've ever spent in California, and I'm counting the ones I spent failing Physics exams in college.

Everything has fallen apart. Our cat is gone and I'm worried about how she is (or isn't) adjusting. She's tiny and stupid and has no idea what's happening to her; apparently she peed on the new owner's floor and I'm worried they're either not going to like her or worse, they're not giving her enough attention and she's going to start acting out, because she's a stupid needy little beast and she likes to cuddle and if she doesn't get cuddles she will bite feet. I don't know what peeing on the floor means; she's never done that before. Also Jim still doesn't have a freaking job, and I'm making a lot more now, but our rent is four times as much and I'm certainly not making THAT much more. And every social interaction I've had with people who are friends or used to be friends has been kind of strained and awkward. Obviously this means I'm doing something wrong or acting incorrectly somehow, but I don't know what the problem is exactly or how to fix it. I am stressed out, lonely, flat broke, and still living in a house full of extroverts who don't want us around. Maybe this isn't the best time to be trying out social interactions, but I'm pretty sure this is the definition of when a person needs friends the most.

I think it might be just me (well, just Jim and me), but I'm pretty sure everything is shit.