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I've had a lot to update about lately, but it seems like all my thoughts should be friendslocked these days, so I've been typing up entries and saving them on my computer instead of posting. Not sure what to say here.
Swinging back into loneliness. I've got so many friends, so many amazing awesome friends, but I dunno. I watched an episode of Grey's Anatomy the other day and the theme was sort of, "If I disappeared, would anyone miss me?" and I know that people would miss me; a lot of people would miss me. But not... not in the way that the show meant. It keeps coming back to him. I had a dream about him before I watched the Grey's episode, just a calm dream about his chin stubble and the way it used to scratch my face, kind of in a sweet way. Then I had another dream last night that we went for Round 3 and it worked out. Third time's a charm? Ann says he's doing well, with his girlfriend too, and still double-majoring and taking an extra quarter, and thinking about going to grad school in the future. In some ways I'm so, so happy for him, so glad that he's doing well. And in some ways I wish I was the one supporting him, being there for him, looking after him. It's not such a sharp, hard pain anymore. Now it's just sort of a constant dull ache. Maybe he was the one, the ache says, and maybe it's irrevocably messed up now. Sometimes I just want him back SO BADLY!
I've been knitting a bit, and finally finished the scarf for Shannon. I want to make a few things for myself now; a shawl of some sort (but I only have three skeins), and a blue and white Yale scarf. Still deciding how I'd want to do the Yale scarf. I kind of want it to say Yale on it, but on the other hand I have this pattern for a DNA scarf and I could just combine the two things and make a Yale DNA scarf. In that case, though, would it be too nerdy to make the cables in a different color so the helix stands out? Like, a blue helix on a white background? Would I be ashamed of my nerddom and incapable of wearing that scarf? Maybe I should learn Fair Isle so I can just knit YALE into the scarf and forget about the DNA bits.
You know, I always sort of thought that if I ever got a tattoo, it would be of a DNA strand that wrapped all the way around my body. I know exactly how it would wrap, too, and exactly what it would look like and what colors it would be.
I'm gonna go read some papers. Or maybe surf the internet looking for a shawl pattern.
Swinging back into loneliness. I've got so many friends, so many amazing awesome friends, but I dunno. I watched an episode of Grey's Anatomy the other day and the theme was sort of, "If I disappeared, would anyone miss me?" and I know that people would miss me; a lot of people would miss me. But not... not in the way that the show meant. It keeps coming back to him. I had a dream about him before I watched the Grey's episode, just a calm dream about his chin stubble and the way it used to scratch my face, kind of in a sweet way. Then I had another dream last night that we went for Round 3 and it worked out. Third time's a charm? Ann says he's doing well, with his girlfriend too, and still double-majoring and taking an extra quarter, and thinking about going to grad school in the future. In some ways I'm so, so happy for him, so glad that he's doing well. And in some ways I wish I was the one supporting him, being there for him, looking after him. It's not such a sharp, hard pain anymore. Now it's just sort of a constant dull ache. Maybe he was the one, the ache says, and maybe it's irrevocably messed up now. Sometimes I just want him back SO BADLY!
I've been knitting a bit, and finally finished the scarf for Shannon. I want to make a few things for myself now; a shawl of some sort (but I only have three skeins), and a blue and white Yale scarf. Still deciding how I'd want to do the Yale scarf. I kind of want it to say Yale on it, but on the other hand I have this pattern for a DNA scarf and I could just combine the two things and make a Yale DNA scarf. In that case, though, would it be too nerdy to make the cables in a different color so the helix stands out? Like, a blue helix on a white background? Would I be ashamed of my nerddom and incapable of wearing that scarf? Maybe I should learn Fair Isle so I can just knit YALE into the scarf and forget about the DNA bits.
You know, I always sort of thought that if I ever got a tattoo, it would be of a DNA strand that wrapped all the way around my body. I know exactly how it would wrap, too, and exactly what it would look like and what colors it would be.
I'm gonna go read some papers. Or maybe surf the internet looking for a shawl pattern.
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Re: Death Cab for Cutie--Someday You Will Be Loved (bold emphasis mine)
Date: 2007-02-21 07:42 pm (UTC)From:That last line made me chuckle. Hopefully you also see that I think you have some pretty big "you're being brilliant/witty/funny/[insert more positive adjectives here]" moments as well.
I'm glad I don't come off condescending with you. I know there have been times where I have been overly critical of people in my life or judgmental due to my own frustration at my inability to solve their problems magically by dialogue or suggestion. I had to step back and realize that my friends are really the extended crazy family I never had. They are what they are and you either are supportive of their individuality and their right to live their own life or you aren't. When I thought about it like that, I chillaxed and toned things down a bit with certain people.
I'm glad that you recognize and appreciate what I do bring to the table. :)
Anyway..please do send a song (or songs) by Death Cab. I would love to hear the song that possesses those lyrics you posted.
I still will reply to your other comment..I swear! Most likely that will occur later tonight when I'm killing time in my Gender and Science class.
-E
Re: Death Cab for Cutie
Date: 2007-02-21 09:30 pm (UTC)From:No seriously, it's much harder to find someone who can help you see what you're doing wrong, and to do it without making you feel like you're worthless. I love that you point out my good qualities, but I also love that you point out my bad ones. Those "Get over it!" comments are sometimes really helpful.
I definitely agree that friends are really your extended family. The awesome thing is that, while you have no control over who is in your family, you get to choose each and every one of your friends. I don't know most of your friends, but based on our overlap (Megan!) I think you have pretty good taste. :-P It's good that you recognize their value, even when they're not perfect. Hopefully I do that, too.
Anyway.
Email coming your way with some Death Cab.