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I've had a lot to update about lately, but it seems like all my thoughts should be friendslocked these days, so I've been typing up entries and saving them on my computer instead of posting. Not sure what to say here.
Swinging back into loneliness. I've got so many friends, so many amazing awesome friends, but I dunno. I watched an episode of Grey's Anatomy the other day and the theme was sort of, "If I disappeared, would anyone miss me?" and I know that people would miss me; a lot of people would miss me. But not... not in the way that the show meant. It keeps coming back to him. I had a dream about him before I watched the Grey's episode, just a calm dream about his chin stubble and the way it used to scratch my face, kind of in a sweet way. Then I had another dream last night that we went for Round 3 and it worked out. Third time's a charm? Ann says he's doing well, with his girlfriend too, and still double-majoring and taking an extra quarter, and thinking about going to grad school in the future. In some ways I'm so, so happy for him, so glad that he's doing well. And in some ways I wish I was the one supporting him, being there for him, looking after him. It's not such a sharp, hard pain anymore. Now it's just sort of a constant dull ache. Maybe he was the one, the ache says, and maybe it's irrevocably messed up now. Sometimes I just want him back SO BADLY!
I've been knitting a bit, and finally finished the scarf for Shannon. I want to make a few things for myself now; a shawl of some sort (but I only have three skeins), and a blue and white Yale scarf. Still deciding how I'd want to do the Yale scarf. I kind of want it to say Yale on it, but on the other hand I have this pattern for a DNA scarf and I could just combine the two things and make a Yale DNA scarf. In that case, though, would it be too nerdy to make the cables in a different color so the helix stands out? Like, a blue helix on a white background? Would I be ashamed of my nerddom and incapable of wearing that scarf? Maybe I should learn Fair Isle so I can just knit YALE into the scarf and forget about the DNA bits.
You know, I always sort of thought that if I ever got a tattoo, it would be of a DNA strand that wrapped all the way around my body. I know exactly how it would wrap, too, and exactly what it would look like and what colors it would be.
I'm gonna go read some papers. Or maybe surf the internet looking for a shawl pattern.
Swinging back into loneliness. I've got so many friends, so many amazing awesome friends, but I dunno. I watched an episode of Grey's Anatomy the other day and the theme was sort of, "If I disappeared, would anyone miss me?" and I know that people would miss me; a lot of people would miss me. But not... not in the way that the show meant. It keeps coming back to him. I had a dream about him before I watched the Grey's episode, just a calm dream about his chin stubble and the way it used to scratch my face, kind of in a sweet way. Then I had another dream last night that we went for Round 3 and it worked out. Third time's a charm? Ann says he's doing well, with his girlfriend too, and still double-majoring and taking an extra quarter, and thinking about going to grad school in the future. In some ways I'm so, so happy for him, so glad that he's doing well. And in some ways I wish I was the one supporting him, being there for him, looking after him. It's not such a sharp, hard pain anymore. Now it's just sort of a constant dull ache. Maybe he was the one, the ache says, and maybe it's irrevocably messed up now. Sometimes I just want him back SO BADLY!
I've been knitting a bit, and finally finished the scarf for Shannon. I want to make a few things for myself now; a shawl of some sort (but I only have three skeins), and a blue and white Yale scarf. Still deciding how I'd want to do the Yale scarf. I kind of want it to say Yale on it, but on the other hand I have this pattern for a DNA scarf and I could just combine the two things and make a Yale DNA scarf. In that case, though, would it be too nerdy to make the cables in a different color so the helix stands out? Like, a blue helix on a white background? Would I be ashamed of my nerddom and incapable of wearing that scarf? Maybe I should learn Fair Isle so I can just knit YALE into the scarf and forget about the DNA bits.
You know, I always sort of thought that if I ever got a tattoo, it would be of a DNA strand that wrapped all the way around my body. I know exactly how it would wrap, too, and exactly what it would look like and what colors it would be.
I'm gonna go read some papers. Or maybe surf the internet looking for a shawl pattern.
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Date: 2007-02-21 04:12 am (UTC)From:2. I understand how you want the feeling to go away completely. I sort of agree and sort of don't... On the one hand, maybe it would be better if he faded away completely. On the other hand, we meant a lot to each other, and our breakup wasn't based on someone cheating; it was just a parting of views. Sort of. That was my fault.
I have some song lyrics for you. I wonder if I can post them in a comment...
3. That scarf is gonna kick ass. If I had a camera, I would love to post pictures.
It will probably take me months to finish it. Don't hold your breath. I started the shawl tonight, so once I finish THAT, I'll start on a scarf for another friend or a thing for Ann or my mom, and THEN once I've finished those I'll make the DNA scarf. Probably about just in time for next winter.
4. Hehehe, tell me all about what my gender is supposed to do in science. There are a LOT of people in science who are really, REALLY, I mean REALLY concerned about women in science and how we're super underrepresented past graduate school. I've read a couple articles on women in science, and everyone seems to just be freaking out about it. Maybe you can clue me in.