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Last day in Santa Cruz. Ever?
Jun. 17th, 2007 11:43 amI have lots and lots to say. I'm keeping my paper journal updated, so I can give summaries in a few weeks when I'm back in Connecticut. But I've got Ann's computer for a few minutes, so I figured I might as well update. I'm alive. I'm in Santa Cruz. We're leaving this afternoon on our epic road trip.
I went to graduation today. It was profoundly weird. And deeply awkward. And exceedingly strange to be there. I definitely don't belong here anymore; even though part of me felt as though it were my graduation (all my hallmates from freshman year were graduating, and I was supposed to graduate this year) and I got a bit of closure from it, I also felt like I was an intruder sitting in on an experience I was supposed to have given up. I wanted to say goodbye to Jamie, because I'll probably never see him again (!!!!!!!!!! ... !), but he was surrounded by his family and his girlfriend, and I just couldn't bring myself to face his mother. Maybe if I hadn't liked his family I would have been able to slip past them to say goodbye without feeling weird, but they adopted me as their own during a time when my own family had forgotten about me. And then I broke their son's heart in a profoundly heartless and cruel way. I just couldn't bring myself to face them.
I can fling myself out of airplanes, but I can't talk to my ex's mother.
Speaking of airplanes... Ann and I went skydiving again yesterday. The jumpmasters all yelled at us for jumping tandem our third time. They wanted to know why we weren't getting certified to jump solo. If we'd had more time in Santa Cruz we definitely would have taken the certification class, but it just didn't fit into the schedule... Anyway, we did the jump and this time they let us pull our own parachute cords. It was frickin amazing. I love skydiving. I'll have to update about the experience more later; right now I'm gonna go pack up my stuff a little more neatly and try not to be all emo about having been to graduation today.
Ugh. Why do I always get so emotional about this crap? How come normal people can go to graduations and complain about the length of the ceremony and the excessive heat and all the other annoyances, and I go and sit alone and cry at the commencement speeches and think I've had some sort of momentous experience? Gaaaaaaaaahhhhh.
I went to graduation today. It was profoundly weird. And deeply awkward. And exceedingly strange to be there. I definitely don't belong here anymore; even though part of me felt as though it were my graduation (all my hallmates from freshman year were graduating, and I was supposed to graduate this year) and I got a bit of closure from it, I also felt like I was an intruder sitting in on an experience I was supposed to have given up. I wanted to say goodbye to Jamie, because I'll probably never see him again (!!!!!!!!!! ... !), but he was surrounded by his family and his girlfriend, and I just couldn't bring myself to face his mother. Maybe if I hadn't liked his family I would have been able to slip past them to say goodbye without feeling weird, but they adopted me as their own during a time when my own family had forgotten about me. And then I broke their son's heart in a profoundly heartless and cruel way. I just couldn't bring myself to face them.
I can fling myself out of airplanes, but I can't talk to my ex's mother.
Speaking of airplanes... Ann and I went skydiving again yesterday. The jumpmasters all yelled at us for jumping tandem our third time. They wanted to know why we weren't getting certified to jump solo. If we'd had more time in Santa Cruz we definitely would have taken the certification class, but it just didn't fit into the schedule... Anyway, we did the jump and this time they let us pull our own parachute cords. It was frickin amazing. I love skydiving. I'll have to update about the experience more later; right now I'm gonna go pack up my stuff a little more neatly and try not to be all emo about having been to graduation today.
Ugh. Why do I always get so emotional about this crap? How come normal people can go to graduations and complain about the length of the ceremony and the excessive heat and all the other annoyances, and I go and sit alone and cry at the commencement speeches and think I've had some sort of momentous experience? Gaaaaaaaaahhhhh.
