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May. 26th, 2007 04:40 amOkay, so it's nearly 5 am and I'm still awake. You might ask why. I shall tell you.
IT IS HOT. REALLY FUCKING ANNOYINGLY HOT. TOO HOT TO SLEEP.
I'm angry. I think Connecticut weather is really good at pushing my buttons. First it's ABSURDLY cold for three months, then it can't make up its mind and is miserable for two more months, then the weather is PERFECT for two weeks, and BAM, summer hits you and suddenly it's too hot to move. So annoying.
So there have been a couple of weird things. First, the guy who found my phone mailed it back to me. This is the old phone, the one I got last summer and then lost in October during the Genetics retreat in Massachussetts. It came in the mail the other day, and I took it out of the envelope and turned it on and sat down with it and looked through it. And I was shocked at the rush of emotions that suddenly overtook me. I hadn't realized it, but I had that phone for almost the exact duration of my relationship with Clark. We spent HOURS talking on the phone right after I got it, and when he came to visit we compared phones (we had the same one), and we sent each other countless text messages. The texts are gone from the phone's memory, but just holding it and hearing the tone of its beeps brought back a ton of my memories.
The second weird thing is that the apartment smells vastly different depending on season. And now that it's summer, the apartment smells like... last summer. Which means it smells like arriving in New Haven (which makes me think of road tripping), and it smells like Clark. It's funny that it "smells like Clark," because it doesn't REALLY smell like CLARK, it just smells the way it did when we were... whatever we were. "Dating." So it brings back those memories.
And the third weird thing was being in New York last week to see the Met, and the week before that for the cheese conference. After the cheese conference, we walked over to the World Trade Center site, Ground Zero. I hadn't been there (or to New York at all) since I was there with Clark, so all those memories came flooding back, and I actually found myself missing him. And again last week after we went to the Met, we walked along Central Park for a bit and then went to Times Square, and I had a fleeting thought of missing him again.
I guess this is one of those cases where I still feel the same way--it was never going to work out, and I'm over it--but I also feel a little sad. In severing the romantic relationship, I also lost his friendship. I was so mad at him for so long that I guess I hadn't really noticed. And we were really only speaking every three or four months over the last four years anyway, so I was used to him disappearing for long stretches of time. But I haven't talked to him since October now, and it feels strange. It's summer. He usually turns up again in summer. I dunno if I want him to or not, but I think a part of me does miss him. I guess I'm not mad at him anymore.
Weird.
Anyway. I started knitting the wedding gift for my cousin. It's going to be an intense bit of knitting between now and July 7 to finish it. Especially since I spent an hour tonight un-knitting and re-knitting a row. I forgot to yarn over in one row and didn't notice it until four rows of lace later, and it took me half an hour to figure out that I had to go back more than just one row. Grah. Now I understand lace knitting's appeal, and lace knitting's downside. On the one hand, it makes my OCD so happy to count stitches and be obsessive about where I am in a pattern. And to un-knit rows carefully stitch by stitch instead of ripping out rows at a time and then putting the loops carefully back on the needles. On the other hand, GOOD GRIEF it takes FOREVER to un-knit lace.
Anyway. I'm gonna try to sleep again now. Or knit a few rows and THEN sleep. I could probably finish this square before sunrise....
IT IS HOT. REALLY FUCKING ANNOYINGLY HOT. TOO HOT TO SLEEP.
I'm angry. I think Connecticut weather is really good at pushing my buttons. First it's ABSURDLY cold for three months, then it can't make up its mind and is miserable for two more months, then the weather is PERFECT for two weeks, and BAM, summer hits you and suddenly it's too hot to move. So annoying.
So there have been a couple of weird things. First, the guy who found my phone mailed it back to me. This is the old phone, the one I got last summer and then lost in October during the Genetics retreat in Massachussetts. It came in the mail the other day, and I took it out of the envelope and turned it on and sat down with it and looked through it. And I was shocked at the rush of emotions that suddenly overtook me. I hadn't realized it, but I had that phone for almost the exact duration of my relationship with Clark. We spent HOURS talking on the phone right after I got it, and when he came to visit we compared phones (we had the same one), and we sent each other countless text messages. The texts are gone from the phone's memory, but just holding it and hearing the tone of its beeps brought back a ton of my memories.
The second weird thing is that the apartment smells vastly different depending on season. And now that it's summer, the apartment smells like... last summer. Which means it smells like arriving in New Haven (which makes me think of road tripping), and it smells like Clark. It's funny that it "smells like Clark," because it doesn't REALLY smell like CLARK, it just smells the way it did when we were... whatever we were. "Dating." So it brings back those memories.
And the third weird thing was being in New York last week to see the Met, and the week before that for the cheese conference. After the cheese conference, we walked over to the World Trade Center site, Ground Zero. I hadn't been there (or to New York at all) since I was there with Clark, so all those memories came flooding back, and I actually found myself missing him. And again last week after we went to the Met, we walked along Central Park for a bit and then went to Times Square, and I had a fleeting thought of missing him again.
I guess this is one of those cases where I still feel the same way--it was never going to work out, and I'm over it--but I also feel a little sad. In severing the romantic relationship, I also lost his friendship. I was so mad at him for so long that I guess I hadn't really noticed. And we were really only speaking every three or four months over the last four years anyway, so I was used to him disappearing for long stretches of time. But I haven't talked to him since October now, and it feels strange. It's summer. He usually turns up again in summer. I dunno if I want him to or not, but I think a part of me does miss him. I guess I'm not mad at him anymore.
Weird.
Anyway. I started knitting the wedding gift for my cousin. It's going to be an intense bit of knitting between now and July 7 to finish it. Especially since I spent an hour tonight un-knitting and re-knitting a row. I forgot to yarn over in one row and didn't notice it until four rows of lace later, and it took me half an hour to figure out that I had to go back more than just one row. Grah. Now I understand lace knitting's appeal, and lace knitting's downside. On the one hand, it makes my OCD so happy to count stitches and be obsessive about where I am in a pattern. And to un-knit rows carefully stitch by stitch instead of ripping out rows at a time and then putting the loops carefully back on the needles. On the other hand, GOOD GRIEF it takes FOREVER to un-knit lace.
Anyway. I'm gonna try to sleep again now. Or knit a few rows and THEN sleep. I could probably finish this square before sunrise....
