I agree with chicken-and-egg, actually. People in relationships have an almost buoyant confidence that is very attractive. (And keep in mind that I'm a guy saying that, so it may be cross-gender.)
And I absolutely know what you feel like. "How come they're all taken" was the story of my life from about November '03 to July '06. Well, that, and, "just want to be friends." *rolleyes*
When I'm in a relationship, I can't go out without meeting an interested woman. I never really find myself driven to women who are already in relationships though.
I once wrote a brief guide on how to manipulate people in dating. It's really terrible stuff, but, eh, effective.
At some point I decided that I would "reform" and not use such tactics to gain the upper hand in dating. It turns out that people probably do most of the unconsciously, because when I try to consciously avoid doing them, I come off awkwardly. Pretty much the same as when I try not to be intimidating in meetings and discussions. To some degree, it's natural and you have to embrace it, I suppose.
It's quite effective (unfortunately). However, implementation is a tricky part.
The same effect can be built up in ways that are less likely to make people hate you :-) For instance, lots of people compliment you. If you take strong positive stances during conversation. Self-inflation works, ironically, if you're careful about how you do it. That's all that disdaining and ignoring people really does
Unless you know someone quite well and can determine if you like them based on intimate knowledge of them, it's hard to calibrate what you think of them in order to gage potential as a mate. If they act as if they're just a bit better than you are, then this puts a partial order on the whole business. If your first instinct is to trust their assessment of the situation, then it's clear that they're at least just a bit better than you, making them desirable.
This, of course, only works in the short term. In the long term, you'll just decide that the person is a jerk.
It's really a terrible dynamic once you understand it. It's also one of those things that I'm not supposed to discuss... uhmm, ever.
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chiming
no subject
Date: 2006-11-15 06:14 am (UTC)From:You may only like them because other people find them desirable. So, you only like people who are taken.
Or, perhaps all desirable men are taken, therefore, anybody who any woman would ever like, is taken.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-15 04:28 pm (UTC)From:And I absolutely know what you feel like. "How come they're all taken" was the story of my life from about November '03 to July '06. Well, that, and, "just want to be friends." *rolleyes*
no subject
Date: 2006-11-15 04:59 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2006-11-16 02:08 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2006-11-16 02:40 am (UTC)From:I once wrote a brief guide on how to manipulate people in dating. It's really terrible stuff, but, eh, effective.
At some point I decided that I would "reform" and not use such tactics to gain the upper hand in dating. It turns out that people probably do most of the unconsciously, because when I try to consciously avoid doing them, I come off awkwardly. Pretty much the same as when I try not to be intimidating in meetings and discussions. To some degree, it's natural and you have to embrace it, I suppose.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-16 02:47 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2006-11-16 03:11 am (UTC)From:The same effect can be built up in ways that are less likely to make people hate you :-) For instance, lots of people compliment you. If you take strong positive stances during conversation. Self-inflation works, ironically, if you're careful about how you do it. That's all that disdaining and ignoring people really does
Unless you know someone quite well and can determine if you like them based on intimate knowledge of them, it's hard to calibrate what you think of them in order to gage potential as a mate. If they act as if they're just a bit better than you are, then this puts a partial order on the whole business. If your first instinct is to trust their assessment of the situation, then it's clear that they're at least just a bit better than you, making them desirable.
This, of course, only works in the short term. In the long term, you'll just decide that the person is a jerk.
It's really a terrible dynamic once you understand it. It's also one of those things that I'm not supposed to discuss... uhmm, ever.