![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Ah, October. My consistently least favorite month.
Honestly? I hate fall. And I hate Halloween. I think it's not so much a hatred of the holiday itself as a hatred of all the things that make it up. Fall, orange, black, spiders, goth, horror films, candy corn, etc. I think it might also have something to do with the fact that the only memory I have of Dan is of Halloween.
Anyway. Enough about October.
The last few days have been interesting. I'm managing to hold myself aloof on several different counts, and am seeing beautiful results. But... I also didn't expect to see myself react to said results in such a way as I am. Um... Maybe I'll make another post friends locked and actually say what I mean.
So much stuff is going on right now... My mind is a mess of things to be done, and things I haven't done. And to make matters worse... Noller sent out an email Friday, that I happened to receive 20 minutes after he sent it. It was a request for a grader for BMB 100A, and he only sent it to five people (job going to the first person to respond). Noller is my favorite professor in the universe, and BMB 100A was the BEST class I've ever taken, and will probably be the foundation for which subject I decide to study for my Ph.D. dissertation. Noller is writing me grad school recommendations. So I said I'd love to be a grader, and I got the job.
I'm. So. Fucking. Dumb.
I don't have time to grade 10 hours a week!
Oh well. At least reading all these biochem papers will be a good review for the GRE subject test, and I'll get paid for doing it. Plus, if I do a good job, Noller will be more likely to write me an outstanding rec. So there are some positive parts.... But seriously. What was I thinking, getting a job??
On a completely unrelated subject, I went to a party last night. It was awesome. There were about 30 people and a keg. It was at this guy Andrew's friend's house... (Andrew was in Euk and phys with me last winter and spring.) Jamie and I played beer pong and won 2 games in a row. ...Winning still gets you pretty drunk. I got horribly, wonderfully smashed and was able to enjoy myself for a few hours. I laughed, and while I was still thinking about grad schools, I wasn't worried about them. It was nice to just laugh and fall over and feel slightly nauseous. To be a college student. To not be stressed out. I realize that this sounds suspiciously like drinking to avoid your problems. I realize that the problems are still there while you're drunk, and that you have to face them again the next morning, possibly with a hangover in tow, but... I still think I deserve an evening of drunken bliss once in a while. To make my head shut up.
My dad called me tonight from a karaoke bar and left the phone on while he sang "our song" from when I was little. "I've been throwin' horseshoes/over my left shoulder/I've spent most all my life/searching for that four leaf clover..." My dad has an amazing, very deep voice and is a pretty good singer. I haven't heard him actually sing that song since I was 7, although we quote it to each other all the time. It made me all nostalgic and warm and fuzzy inside. I miss my dad.
i've been throwing horseshoes
over my left shoulder
i've spent most all my life
searching for that four-leafed clover
yeah you ran with me,
chasing my rainbows
and honey i love you, too
that's the way love goes.
that's the way love goes, babe
that's the music God made
for all the world to sing
it's never old; it only grows
losing makes me sorry
you say, "honey, don't worry."
dont you know i love you, too
that's the way love goes.
that's the way love goes babe
that's the music god made
for all the world to sing
it's never old, it only grows
losin makes me sorry
you say, honey don't worry
don't you know that i love you too
and that's the way love goes
Maybe I won't make a friends locked post. Maybe I'll just go to bed. Too much energy to write paragraphs and paragraphs about my emotional trainwrecks. To sum up what I WOULD have posted: I'm an emotional trainwreck. This is not new; even the theme of the trainwreck, and the subject of the trainwreck, are not new. Only the teeny tiny specific details of the trainwreck are new. Man... now I want to watch the Greatest Show on Earth for the trainwreck scene.
Honestly? I hate fall. And I hate Halloween. I think it's not so much a hatred of the holiday itself as a hatred of all the things that make it up. Fall, orange, black, spiders, goth, horror films, candy corn, etc. I think it might also have something to do with the fact that the only memory I have of Dan is of Halloween.
Anyway. Enough about October.
The last few days have been interesting. I'm managing to hold myself aloof on several different counts, and am seeing beautiful results. But... I also didn't expect to see myself react to said results in such a way as I am. Um... Maybe I'll make another post friends locked and actually say what I mean.
So much stuff is going on right now... My mind is a mess of things to be done, and things I haven't done. And to make matters worse... Noller sent out an email Friday, that I happened to receive 20 minutes after he sent it. It was a request for a grader for BMB 100A, and he only sent it to five people (job going to the first person to respond). Noller is my favorite professor in the universe, and BMB 100A was the BEST class I've ever taken, and will probably be the foundation for which subject I decide to study for my Ph.D. dissertation. Noller is writing me grad school recommendations. So I said I'd love to be a grader, and I got the job.
I'm. So. Fucking. Dumb.
I don't have time to grade 10 hours a week!
Oh well. At least reading all these biochem papers will be a good review for the GRE subject test, and I'll get paid for doing it. Plus, if I do a good job, Noller will be more likely to write me an outstanding rec. So there are some positive parts.... But seriously. What was I thinking, getting a job??
On a completely unrelated subject, I went to a party last night. It was awesome. There were about 30 people and a keg. It was at this guy Andrew's friend's house... (Andrew was in Euk and phys with me last winter and spring.) Jamie and I played beer pong and won 2 games in a row. ...Winning still gets you pretty drunk. I got horribly, wonderfully smashed and was able to enjoy myself for a few hours. I laughed, and while I was still thinking about grad schools, I wasn't worried about them. It was nice to just laugh and fall over and feel slightly nauseous. To be a college student. To not be stressed out. I realize that this sounds suspiciously like drinking to avoid your problems. I realize that the problems are still there while you're drunk, and that you have to face them again the next morning, possibly with a hangover in tow, but... I still think I deserve an evening of drunken bliss once in a while. To make my head shut up.
My dad called me tonight from a karaoke bar and left the phone on while he sang "our song" from when I was little. "I've been throwin' horseshoes/over my left shoulder/I've spent most all my life/searching for that four leaf clover..." My dad has an amazing, very deep voice and is a pretty good singer. I haven't heard him actually sing that song since I was 7, although we quote it to each other all the time. It made me all nostalgic and warm and fuzzy inside. I miss my dad.
i've been throwing horseshoes
over my left shoulder
i've spent most all my life
searching for that four-leafed clover
yeah you ran with me,
chasing my rainbows
and honey i love you, too
that's the way love goes.
that's the way love goes, babe
that's the music God made
for all the world to sing
it's never old; it only grows
losing makes me sorry
you say, "honey, don't worry."
dont you know i love you, too
that's the way love goes.
that's the way love goes babe
that's the music god made
for all the world to sing
it's never old, it only grows
losin makes me sorry
you say, honey don't worry
don't you know that i love you too
and that's the way love goes
Maybe I won't make a friends locked post. Maybe I'll just go to bed. Too much energy to write paragraphs and paragraphs about my emotional trainwrecks. To sum up what I WOULD have posted: I'm an emotional trainwreck. This is not new; even the theme of the trainwreck, and the subject of the trainwreck, are not new. Only the teeny tiny specific details of the trainwreck are new. Man... now I want to watch the Greatest Show on Earth for the trainwreck scene.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-10-02 08:05 am (UTC)From:*giant hugs*
no subject
Date: 2005-10-03 07:31 am (UTC)From:Dads
I love you too, so hang in there til I get back, and we'll have a gooey chocolatey brownie ice creamy scrumptious thingy. Mmmmmm Chili's molton lava cake....
I miss you!
Re: Dads
Date: 2005-10-03 07:32 am (UTC)From:Mmm... yeah, you better come back, so we can go get chocolate together.
Santa Cruz is so weird without you! I miss you! Come baaaaaaack.....