Stressssssss

It is Monday.

Saturday was painful.

I'm trying not to think too much about my performance on that stupid subject test. I know for sure that I got three questions right. Three out of 180 isn't bad, right?

This is all bringing up the "do I want to go to grad school" debate again, and is making me headachy and upset. So maybe I'll just defer to the previous decision on said topic and not do anything. Send in apps and wait for acceptances/rejections, and decide in April. If it turns out I failed the subject GRE, I'll take it again in April. Then I'll either... go be something insane, like a not-grad student, or I'll re-apply. In the meantime... not thinking about it. Thinking instead about pchem. And boys. Pchem and boys.

Enrollment for next quarter starts today. I'll be taking the second quarter of pchem, a 5-credit eukaryotic molecular biology lab, and senior thesis research. Theoretically I'll be spending next quarter writing my thesis and not actually doing the research. I'm supposed to finish that by Christmas.

Oh man. Too many things to think about. I'm going to go buy chocolate.

(no subject)

Somebody (heterodox_crab)over at applyingtograd said this, to someone who was discouraged about the strength of her application and was considering not applying:

I think you should squeeze your eyes shut, take a deep breath, and gun out the very best applications you can. Even if you're down to the wire, with just a day or so left, and it's obvious there's no way you're going to be done, gulp down your tears, hand in what you have in as presentable a form as you can muster, and use that remaining racing adrenaline to concoct and execute a Plan B.

I'm not kidding. Self-doubt right now is your enemy. You are not now in a neutral position from which to evaluate whether you should apply or not. Put yourself on the line; use whatever feedback you receive as a guideline for next year's application run, should it come to that. If you're accepted, it just proves you were better prepared than you thought--which is none too uncommon when faced with the terror of showing yourself to strangers who will decide your immediate future.

Do it--you'll be glad you did no matter what the outcome.

I feel better.

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I enrolled in my classes today. I signed up for a History of Art and Visual Culture class on Medieval something or other. I dunno if I'll actually take it, becaus the last HAVC class I took was hell and all we did was memorize slides... but the subject matter of this class might actually be interesting, and the last one wasn't. And I still need the Gen Ed.

My musical horizons are being broadened daily, by both Jamie and Evan. Jamie has given me The Flaming Lips, the Decemberists, Interpol, Smashing Pumpkins, The Dismemberment Plan... And Evan is sending me a constant influx of awesome obscure instrumental stuff. I'm loving all of it. I'm usually not musically adventurous, but lately I feel a thirst for good music.

And I'm surrounded by babies again. It's getting closer to Mom having hers... I have a box of baby clothes in my room now, ready to give her. I have a feeling I'm going to continually have boxes of baby clothes in my room over the next year or two. I feel compelled to buy baby clothes. I feel compelled to buy non-pink baby clothes.

I really need to go to the grocery store.