I'll probably update again later. But right now:

Begin rant:

I HATE JESS! (Yes, this is a Gilmore Girls rant.) All those stupid icons out there about Jess drive me CRAZY. Fine, he was great in season 3. But in seasons 2 and 4 he was completely the opposite of what Rory needed, and now in season 5 he's out of the picture and that's the way it should stay. Just because he was right for her at one time (and I'm not even sure I'd say he was), doesn't mean he always will be. So I hereby vow to never have an icon depicting him, nor will I ever nominate or vote for a Jess icon in award communities. So there. Take that. Jess is dead to me.

End rant.

As promised.

Well. Today was... today.

My body figured out that I'm trying to kill it. Not sure what tipped it off. Was it the starvation? The sleep-deprivation? The caffeine overloading and then total lack thereof? It doesn't matter. Last night my body decided to take revenge. It started with a headache.

Headache (around 10 pm): Hi.
Me: Eh. I'm going to bed soon.
Heachache: Ha ha ha.
... half an hour later
Me: I can't sleep. Stupid nausea.
Stomach: That will teach you to eat only a bagel and some macaroni and cheese IN AN ENTIRE DAY.
Me: Oops.
The Pill: Mwa ha ha.
... half an hour later
Me: I want to die.
Headache: I so win.
1 am
Me: Jan, do you have any sleeping pills? Or very strong painkillers?

I finally fell asleep around 2 am, after eating some yogurt, drinking three glasses of water, taking three Aleve and two fizzy Vitamin-C fortified German Aspirin, and a Seratonin supplement. My body hates me.

So I endured today on four hours of sleep. It wasn't too bad. I had some caffeine when I woke up, so the addiction rages on, but at least the headache had abated. We talked about caffeine in biochem, and we talked about DNA replication (one of my all-time favorite subjects, especially now that I know so much about it--man, is that process convoluted and awesome) in eukaryotic. In physics lab we played with polarizers... So it was like holding sunglasses up to things for two hours, and writing down what we saw. Not so bad. By the end of it I was exhausted, though. At least today I forced food into myself. And I took a nap when I got home.

I don't know why I don't eat. It's not anorexia or anything. It's not that I'm trying to be thin or that I'm trying to exert control over my life. I have the obsessive-compulsive disorder for that, and the shredding of my fingers. I think I just forget to eat, and I'm so used to that gnawing pain in my stomach that means "I'm hungry" that I don't notice it anymore, so it doesn't remind me. I don't know how I got used to it, but I did. *sigh* I guess I'm just going to have to start writing it on my hand, or making myself food when I think about it so that it will be ready when I remember. I should make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the entire week on Sunday nights. If I have the food, I'll eat it. I just generally forget to have the food in the first place... *sigh*

At any rate. I haven't written anything important in a while. I guess I'm going through a dry spell. It's certainly not for lack of fodder... Alas.

I am off to sleep. Because I hear my body needs that, too.

And for future usage, today I bought sleeping pills and aspirin. And juice and macaroni and cheese. But the important thing is that I bought sleeping pills, so next time I can't sleep, I'll just take those and we can skip the whole "half an hour later..." "half an hour later..." thing.

College has done strange things to me.