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I've managed to write in my paper journal almost every day for the last ten days. I didn't write over the weekend, while Jim was home, but it's surprisingly easy to stay up an extra ten minutes each weeknight to make myself write down the day and date. That's pretty much all I'm committing myself to--I just have to open the journal, write the day of the week and the date, and then I have fulfilled my goal. Of course, by that time I always figure I might as well write a sentence, and so far that first sentence has always led to at least one full page. It ended up resulting in two pages last night, when I really did think for a few minutes all I was going to get written was the date.
So I dunno about updating here, but I really am making an effort to start writing and thinking again. I use writing as a way to get my mind working, and to sort through problems in my life and in my head. This journal has sort of come to feel like a way to keep distant friends and family alerted as to what I'm up to, but I've never been very good at correspondance, and it seems hard sometimes to write an update on goings-on when I don't even know if anyone is still reading. So I guess the point is that if I'm going to write in this journal again (and I don't ever want this journal to fully die--I really do like the livejournal format, and I have some good contacts solely here), I need to stop thinking of it as a blog designed to keep a record of my activities, and more as a forum for discussion about major concerns.
I think I knew all that already, but it helps to write it out. (See!! Case in point.)
I had a meeting with my boss on Monday to have my annual review. I don't think I've ever had an annual review before (well, I've never had a real job before...), so it was pretty terrifying. But it went really, really well. He is giving me a (very small) raise, and thinks I'm doing well, except for a few small points I was already aware of (like the fact that I tend not to do things he asks me to do if I think they're unimportant). So I'll try to shore up those points. I also managed to find the guts to tell him I'll be looking for a new job within the next year (though I did take a slightly balls-less (what word am I thinking of that means balls-less? I'm drawing a blank) approach to it and say it would be a California job), which he took really well. He is a pretty good boss, and seems to understand that employees eventually move on.
Hopefully I will actually be able to find something. I would like to find a lab job somewhere.
I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. This is greatly unsettling to me. I used to have everything figured out, and I still feel like I'm drifting and directionless, and I don't know what to do about it. Are there exercises you go through? "Eat 3 ounces of mustard, stab yourself with a sewing needle in your third toe on your left foot, dance around in a clockwise circle outside while wearing something green, and then the meaning of your life will be revealed to you."
Meanwhile I am only able to compile a list of closed doors, and that gets disheartening, even when I've willingly closed them myself.
Okay, back to work--I've been unable to focus all day today, and was hoping writing would help get me back into a productive state of mind. Time to go try it out.
So I dunno about updating here, but I really am making an effort to start writing and thinking again. I use writing as a way to get my mind working, and to sort through problems in my life and in my head. This journal has sort of come to feel like a way to keep distant friends and family alerted as to what I'm up to, but I've never been very good at correspondance, and it seems hard sometimes to write an update on goings-on when I don't even know if anyone is still reading. So I guess the point is that if I'm going to write in this journal again (and I don't ever want this journal to fully die--I really do like the livejournal format, and I have some good contacts solely here), I need to stop thinking of it as a blog designed to keep a record of my activities, and more as a forum for discussion about major concerns.
I think I knew all that already, but it helps to write it out. (See!! Case in point.)
I had a meeting with my boss on Monday to have my annual review. I don't think I've ever had an annual review before (well, I've never had a real job before...), so it was pretty terrifying. But it went really, really well. He is giving me a (very small) raise, and thinks I'm doing well, except for a few small points I was already aware of (like the fact that I tend not to do things he asks me to do if I think they're unimportant). So I'll try to shore up those points. I also managed to find the guts to tell him I'll be looking for a new job within the next year (though I did take a slightly balls-less (what word am I thinking of that means balls-less? I'm drawing a blank) approach to it and say it would be a California job), which he took really well. He is a pretty good boss, and seems to understand that employees eventually move on.
Hopefully I will actually be able to find something. I would like to find a lab job somewhere.
I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. This is greatly unsettling to me. I used to have everything figured out, and I still feel like I'm drifting and directionless, and I don't know what to do about it. Are there exercises you go through? "Eat 3 ounces of mustard, stab yourself with a sewing needle in your third toe on your left foot, dance around in a clockwise circle outside while wearing something green, and then the meaning of your life will be revealed to you."
Meanwhile I am only able to compile a list of closed doors, and that gets disheartening, even when I've willingly closed them myself.
Okay, back to work--I've been unable to focus all day today, and was hoping writing would help get me back into a productive state of mind. Time to go try it out.
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no subject
Date: 2010-03-03 09:16 pm (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2010-03-03 10:36 pm (UTC)From:(So, buying a permanent account would actually save me money, after... four years...)
no subject
Date: 2010-03-05 06:48 pm (UTC)From:p.s.
I don't know what I am going to be when I grow up, either.
Live, laugh, love.... everyday.
Hugs!
no subject
Date: 2010-03-05 07:12 pm (UTC)From:I am trying to live my life, and I think for the most part I'm doing okay. I'm doing lots of knitting and creating, and I'm working on writing and reading the way I used to. Jim and I are doing very well. I just need to get my career back on track!
I love you so much. Thank you for the advice and encouragement!
Hugs back atcha!
no subject
Date: 2010-03-05 09:05 pm (UTC)From:And yes, there is an exercise you go through to find the meaning of your life. I'm just not sure what it is. Yes to the wearing green, no to the stabbing yourself. And I think it involves salt rather than mustard...