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THIS ISN'T WORKING!
I don't understand all of this. I've done everything I can to get over him, to forget him, to convince myself that I deserve better, that he was mean to me, that he never really loved me, that he was a horrible person and I need to move on because he was hurting me.
But none of it's true! I think he did love me. And he wasn't any meaner to me than he was to anyone else. He isn't a horrible person. He's smart and funny and gorgeous and he did love me. And he wasn't hurting me until I tried to demand commitment from him, when we'd both agreed at the beginning that there wasn't going to be any commitment, that it couldn't last forever. It's not all his fault, and it's not working trying to make myself think that it was. I'm doing something wrong! If I was going about this the right way, it wouldn't be four months later with me sitting here crying and wondering what the hell happened. I miss him. It hurts. I want him back and I don't know why I can't convince myself that I don't want him back. What have I not tried? Don't tell me I need to get a new boyfriend. I've tried that so many times since we broke up. I've kissed two different guys since I broke up with Jamie. Jamie was Guy Kissed #3 and now I'm at 5, and it hasn't made a difference. So picking up and moving on hasn't worked. Dwelling on him hasn't worked. What the hell am I supposed to do?
Maybe... maybe "he was mean to me" can work. I've tried that a lot, and sometimes it serves to make me angry and then I don't hurt anymore. The problem is, sometimes I think, "why was he mean to me?" and then I start to feel inadequate and stupid and fat and ugly, and I remember how when he looked at me I felt beautiful and how he used to tell me I was pretty. I'm missing something. I'm sitting here crying and I'm missing something. What am I doing wrong? Help!
Jamie. I don't know if you read this. I don't even know what I would say to you if I had your attention. I miss you. I don't know if I think we should try again. I know it wouldn't last forever, and then I'd have to do this again. But I don't know how I can be on the same campus as you without having you in my life, and I don't know how I could have you in my life without wanting you in my arms.
I can't do this! I can't move on and I can't go back! I'm stuck at this stupid intermediate alone and partially broken stage!
Why does this hurt so much?
I don't understand all of this. I've done everything I can to get over him, to forget him, to convince myself that I deserve better, that he was mean to me, that he never really loved me, that he was a horrible person and I need to move on because he was hurting me.
But none of it's true! I think he did love me. And he wasn't any meaner to me than he was to anyone else. He isn't a horrible person. He's smart and funny and gorgeous and he did love me. And he wasn't hurting me until I tried to demand commitment from him, when we'd both agreed at the beginning that there wasn't going to be any commitment, that it couldn't last forever. It's not all his fault, and it's not working trying to make myself think that it was. I'm doing something wrong! If I was going about this the right way, it wouldn't be four months later with me sitting here crying and wondering what the hell happened. I miss him. It hurts. I want him back and I don't know why I can't convince myself that I don't want him back. What have I not tried? Don't tell me I need to get a new boyfriend. I've tried that so many times since we broke up. I've kissed two different guys since I broke up with Jamie. Jamie was Guy Kissed #3 and now I'm at 5, and it hasn't made a difference. So picking up and moving on hasn't worked. Dwelling on him hasn't worked. What the hell am I supposed to do?
Maybe... maybe "he was mean to me" can work. I've tried that a lot, and sometimes it serves to make me angry and then I don't hurt anymore. The problem is, sometimes I think, "why was he mean to me?" and then I start to feel inadequate and stupid and fat and ugly, and I remember how when he looked at me I felt beautiful and how he used to tell me I was pretty. I'm missing something. I'm sitting here crying and I'm missing something. What am I doing wrong? Help!
Jamie. I don't know if you read this. I don't even know what I would say to you if I had your attention. I miss you. I don't know if I think we should try again. I know it wouldn't last forever, and then I'd have to do this again. But I don't know how I can be on the same campus as you without having you in my life, and I don't know how I could have you in my life without wanting you in my arms.
I can't do this! I can't move on and I can't go back! I'm stuck at this stupid intermediate alone and partially broken stage!
Why does this hurt so much?
