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Dec. 26th, 2008 06:22 pmChristmas this year turned out to be sort of surprising.
For various reasons (I just tried-and failed-to write a post about them-I am slightly sick today and I think my writing skills are suffering for it), I don't like Christmas. That hasn't changed, but I definitely feel like... I dunno.
I didn't ask for anything this year, knowing I couldn't get gifts for anyone in exchange, and the whole obligatory gift exchange thing has always kind of irked me (shouldn't we buy things for each other because we like each other and because we find things that remind us of each other, and not just because it's December? doesn't December mean we celebrate the return of the sun? what does that have to do with gifts? even if Christmas is about the birth of some people's savior, what does THAT have to do with gifts? isn't that about giving thanks or something?).
Somehow, though, I ended up with a small mountain of gifts on Christmas morning. Friends from all over the country sent care packages. I got presents from New York, Michigan, Nevada, Pennsylvania, California.... And my family here also completely ignored my protests that I didn't need gifts, and added to the pile.
I think by far the best thing I got this year was the reminder that people care about me. To have friends remember me and send me things while I am hiding and trying to pretend Christmas doesn't exist... well, in the last couple months I have been becoming more and more of a sensitive sap (one of the notes that came with the gifts actually made me cry). So. I am touched, and humbled, by the outpouring of gifts I received this year. I don't think, looking back over the last 12 months, that I deserved anything at all.
So maybe gift-giving does convey what "Christmas" should be about. Love.
Thank you for your friendship. I hope to be worthy of it in the coming year.
For various reasons (I just tried-and failed-to write a post about them-I am slightly sick today and I think my writing skills are suffering for it), I don't like Christmas. That hasn't changed, but I definitely feel like... I dunno.
I didn't ask for anything this year, knowing I couldn't get gifts for anyone in exchange, and the whole obligatory gift exchange thing has always kind of irked me (shouldn't we buy things for each other because we like each other and because we find things that remind us of each other, and not just because it's December? doesn't December mean we celebrate the return of the sun? what does that have to do with gifts? even if Christmas is about the birth of some people's savior, what does THAT have to do with gifts? isn't that about giving thanks or something?).
Somehow, though, I ended up with a small mountain of gifts on Christmas morning. Friends from all over the country sent care packages. I got presents from New York, Michigan, Nevada, Pennsylvania, California.... And my family here also completely ignored my protests that I didn't need gifts, and added to the pile.
I think by far the best thing I got this year was the reminder that people care about me. To have friends remember me and send me things while I am hiding and trying to pretend Christmas doesn't exist... well, in the last couple months I have been becoming more and more of a sensitive sap (one of the notes that came with the gifts actually made me cry). So. I am touched, and humbled, by the outpouring of gifts I received this year. I don't think, looking back over the last 12 months, that I deserved anything at all.
So maybe gift-giving does convey what "Christmas" should be about. Love.
Thank you for your friendship. I hope to be worthy of it in the coming year.
