(no subject)

Grant/term paper/thing is due Friday at 5. Then I get my life back.

I almost have specific aims laid out. But one of my experiments requires putting two genes under inducable promoters at the same time, and having them on and off at different times. There must be an easier way to accomplish this.

I'm going to attempt to read thirty pages of papers for class tomorrow, and then take what I will call a "nap" before waking up early to go meet with my PI so she can explain to me, once again, exactly what my rotation project is.

G'night.

P.S. Tried to take a 1-hour nap at 7:30 pm last night. ...Woke up at 2 am, ate slice of cheesecake, went back to bed, and woke up at 8 this morning. I think my body is trying to say something....

P.P.S. I think it's time to see a doctor about the cramps again. And thus begins another round of "we have no idea what's wrong with you."

(no subject)

Today sucked.
I had a breakdown at school this morning (it was mostly about the grant, but some other school stuff was thrown in, too. I won't go into it now). Luckily only four people saw me; two of my classmates, one of whom I cried ON, and their two labmates. Unluckily, one of those labmates, I did not realize at the time of the crying, was the guy I had that awkward thing with a couple months back. The guy who didn't have time for a relationship. Or, "You're nice, but I don't care about you enough to even give this a shot."
Once I realized who he was, and recovered sufficiently to see straight, I walked out of the lab through the far door so I wouldn't have to walk past him or talk to him, and the stupid idiot walked into the hall through the near door and stopped me to ask me if I was okay. I wanted to shout, "NO! I'm NOT OKAY! I just cried on your labmate, what the hell do you think?" And, "Besides," I wanted to add, "you didn't want me! You don't GET to care!" I was so mad. Like, really, really, passionately mad. (Is that unreasonable?)

The day got worse after that.
And then it slowly (really slowly) got better.

Until I ran into him AGAIN (what, nothing for six weeks and then twice in one day? twice TODAY?), and he stopped me AGAIN, and asked if there was anything he could do. I brushed him off and walked away as fast as possible, so I wouldn't have a chance to jam my lab keys through his eyes.

Then I had a conversation with some classmates, and realized that everyone had breakdowns today. At least two of my classmates, plus a poor girl one of them saw in the cafeteria who burst into tears upon being told she had to pay extra for her container, and then claimed she wasn't crying about the container, plus, it seems, half my friends list. So maybe today is just a freakout day. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe tomorrow will be better.