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Perpetuated Silliness
Aug. 22nd, 2004 08:32 pm| How to make a oceantheorem |
| Ingredients: 5 parts intelligence 3 parts courage 5 parts |
| Method: Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add a little caring if desired! |
Aug. 22nd, 2004
Thursday in lab three things happened. Gareth asked to study with Koko and me. Gareth suggested that we get a group together and go to the boardwalk, since he couldn't make it when I invited him last weekend. Gareth suggested that he give me his phone number.
The studying didn't go so well; he's really a solitary studier and I think Koko and I were too giggly for him.
I put his phone number into his phone and then promptly proceeded to leave my phone in George's car when George came down to visit me for twenty minutes.
The group thing totally fell through. A bunch of people said they might come with us, but all of them ended up not showing. So, when he called to set up the time today, he suggested that he pick me up, since it was on his way, and that's how it turned into a real date, complete with him picking me up and us spending the entire evening alone together, but without the title of "date."
We did go to the boardwalk, as planned. We got 60 tickets and spent ALL of them. We rode everything. We actually had a great time. Or, I know I did. He said he did. I had a ton of fun. We rode the log ride thingy, and both roller coasters (the small one was surprisingly fun), and the bumper cars, and we went on the Haunted House and we went on that thing that goes upside down, and that made Gareth nauseous, so we ended up sitting on the beach and talking for twenty minutes or so while he recovered. I loved it. I thought every moment was great, except...
There was this one moment... We were walking along the beach, and the sun was setting in front of us. The ocean was off to our left, beautiful as always, the sky was blue, the boardwalk was boardwalky off to the right... I was barefoot and so was he, and the wind was blowing in my hair and that felt great. It was a beautiful, perfect moment and life was so sweet. I wanted to dance and twirl in the sand... but it didn't feel right with him there. It didn't feel like he would have been okay with me taking a crazy moment to twirl in the sand. It seemed like a young thing to do in a summer where everyone keeps telling me I'm too young.
He drove me home later and we both kept saying we'd had a great time. Neither of us said that we'd like to do it again, although I wanted to say it. Maybe I'll say it tomorrow.
Vindicated, by Dashboard Confessional, came on the radio on the car ride back to my house, and we got to talking about that concert, where they opened for Weezer. We were both at that concert. We both bought the same shirt. That concert got him turned on to Weezer, and me turned on to Dashboard. Strange coincidences. I mean, that concert was an experience for me. And to think that Gareth was there, having the same experience.... I don't know. It makes me feel like... like maybe he's important or something. Maybe not relationship-wise, but like... maybe there's something more I'm supposed to get out of this than a fun evening at the boardwalk. Like there's some sort of "fortuitous equivalence" happening here.
I don't know if we'll go out again. I'm slightly confused. I have no idea what he was thinking. At this point, I've become confused as to what I was thinking.
I want people to stop telling me I'm too young. I don't want him to discard any thoughts of hanging out with me because I'm only 19. Stupid 19. Stupid perceptions. I'm more mature than most 19-year-olds. Then again, doesn't everyone think that? "I'm more mature than other people my age"? I want to BE 19 and have it be okay to twirl in the sand. In fact, I want someone who's not 19 to be able to have a 19-year-old moment and twirl with me. I want twirling rights, whether I'm 19 or not. I want a guy who's secure enough with himself to let me do that and not be afraid I'm too young and will do it with me.
Oh, never mind.
Was there even a spark there?
Is a spark important?
Edit: I hope you dance. Stupid. "If you get the choice to sit it out or dance... dance." Live and learn. Oops. Next time, I promise I'll dance. No matter who the guy is.
The studying didn't go so well; he's really a solitary studier and I think Koko and I were too giggly for him.
I put his phone number into his phone and then promptly proceeded to leave my phone in George's car when George came down to visit me for twenty minutes.
The group thing totally fell through. A bunch of people said they might come with us, but all of them ended up not showing. So, when he called to set up the time today, he suggested that he pick me up, since it was on his way, and that's how it turned into a real date, complete with him picking me up and us spending the entire evening alone together, but without the title of "date."
We did go to the boardwalk, as planned. We got 60 tickets and spent ALL of them. We rode everything. We actually had a great time. Or, I know I did. He said he did. I had a ton of fun. We rode the log ride thingy, and both roller coasters (the small one was surprisingly fun), and the bumper cars, and we went on the Haunted House and we went on that thing that goes upside down, and that made Gareth nauseous, so we ended up sitting on the beach and talking for twenty minutes or so while he recovered. I loved it. I thought every moment was great, except...
There was this one moment... We were walking along the beach, and the sun was setting in front of us. The ocean was off to our left, beautiful as always, the sky was blue, the boardwalk was boardwalky off to the right... I was barefoot and so was he, and the wind was blowing in my hair and that felt great. It was a beautiful, perfect moment and life was so sweet. I wanted to dance and twirl in the sand... but it didn't feel right with him there. It didn't feel like he would have been okay with me taking a crazy moment to twirl in the sand. It seemed like a young thing to do in a summer where everyone keeps telling me I'm too young.
He drove me home later and we both kept saying we'd had a great time. Neither of us said that we'd like to do it again, although I wanted to say it. Maybe I'll say it tomorrow.
Vindicated, by Dashboard Confessional, came on the radio on the car ride back to my house, and we got to talking about that concert, where they opened for Weezer. We were both at that concert. We both bought the same shirt. That concert got him turned on to Weezer, and me turned on to Dashboard. Strange coincidences. I mean, that concert was an experience for me. And to think that Gareth was there, having the same experience.... I don't know. It makes me feel like... like maybe he's important or something. Maybe not relationship-wise, but like... maybe there's something more I'm supposed to get out of this than a fun evening at the boardwalk. Like there's some sort of "fortuitous equivalence" happening here.
I don't know if we'll go out again. I'm slightly confused. I have no idea what he was thinking. At this point, I've become confused as to what I was thinking.
I want people to stop telling me I'm too young. I don't want him to discard any thoughts of hanging out with me because I'm only 19. Stupid 19. Stupid perceptions. I'm more mature than most 19-year-olds. Then again, doesn't everyone think that? "I'm more mature than other people my age"? I want to BE 19 and have it be okay to twirl in the sand. In fact, I want someone who's not 19 to be able to have a 19-year-old moment and twirl with me. I want twirling rights, whether I'm 19 or not. I want a guy who's secure enough with himself to let me do that and not be afraid I'm too young and will do it with me.
Oh, never mind.
Was there even a spark there?
Is a spark important?
Edit: I hope you dance. Stupid. "If you get the choice to sit it out or dance... dance." Live and learn. Oops. Next time, I promise I'll dance. No matter who the guy is.
