(no subject)

[oceantheorem]

I really miss my mom. I think it's a good thing I'm going to see family in a week. I feel like I'm falling apart. All these independent decisions (not independent from each other, independent as in made by me, an independent person) I've made--I think they're starting to make me hard and unfeeling. I've always been a feeler. I've always had so much love to give. And suddenly I don't have any to give. I'm quiet when other people are hurting. I no longer have any good advice to give, and when I do, it's weak, and I don't give it as well as I could. I feel like I'm becoming a shadow of myself, and I think it's because of the way I rebuilt myself after Jamie. I rebuilt myself to not get hurt again. You can't get hurt if you don't love. But I think that statement is wrong. You can get hurt if you don't love. Not loving IS hurting.

I need my family! I need to BE loved! I need to be allowed to love! Help!