I agree, disloyalty should carry heavy consequences. I think this was mainly a case of my trust not being returned, so everything fell apart. Anyway, it IS all resolved...
I can't help but feel like I keep intentionally giving myself a ton to deal with. I seem to seek out situations that overwhelm me. Like you were saying, I think it's a tactic to keep my brain busy, but I've become so accustomed to it that I now have a really hard time setting things down or trying to make things easier for myself. I've spent way too long trying to make things harder.
I've never in my life felt as misunderstood as I have since I got to Connecticut. I feel like I have two selves, and the inner one is the honest, open, awesome California one, and the outer one that everyone here sees is the reserved, clumsy, psychotic one. I perpetually feel like no one here understands me at all, which isn't surprising since I haven't opened up to anyone. *sigh*
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Date: 2007-07-19 05:57 pm (UTC)From:I can't help but feel like I keep intentionally giving myself a ton to deal with. I seem to seek out situations that overwhelm me. Like you were saying, I think it's a tactic to keep my brain busy, but I've become so accustomed to it that I now have a really hard time setting things down or trying to make things easier for myself. I've spent way too long trying to make things harder.
I've never in my life felt as misunderstood as I have since I got to Connecticut. I feel like I have two selves, and the inner one is the honest, open, awesome California one, and the outer one that everyone here sees is the reserved, clumsy, psychotic one. I perpetually feel like no one here understands me at all, which isn't surprising since I haven't opened up to anyone. *sigh*
Love!!