Now I feel kind of bad, because it's so rare that someone comes along who will love you as much Clark loved me, but at the same time it definitely wouldn't have been fair to him if I'd allowed things to go farther. My heart just wasn't in it. Even though I'd loved him for years, somewhere along the line I must have stopped romantically loving him and starting thinking of him as just a friend. And like I said in the post, I was used to him disappearing and reappearing every few months, and I think the idea of him becoming a permanent fixture kind of scared me. As much as I cared about him, he took a lot of energy to love. And I just don't have enough energy to keep pouring love into him hoping that he'll start to love himself.
Anyway, that was kinda long and rambly and it's really only bits and pieces of the whole story. He's a good guy, though, and I do wonder what he's up to now. I don't even know what state he's in, or if he ever got a job. I hope he did... he has so much potential....
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Date: 2007-05-26 09:24 pm (UTC)From:Now I feel kind of bad, because it's so rare that someone comes along who will love you as much Clark loved me, but at the same time it definitely wouldn't have been fair to him if I'd allowed things to go farther. My heart just wasn't in it. Even though I'd loved him for years, somewhere along the line I must have stopped romantically loving him and starting thinking of him as just a friend. And like I said in the post, I was used to him disappearing and reappearing every few months, and I think the idea of him becoming a permanent fixture kind of scared me. As much as I cared about him, he took a lot of energy to love. And I just don't have enough energy to keep pouring love into him hoping that he'll start to love himself.
Anyway, that was kinda long and rambly and it's really only bits and pieces of the whole story. He's a good guy, though, and I do wonder what he's up to now. I don't even know what state he's in, or if he ever got a job. I hope he did... he has so much potential....