oceantheorem | (no subject)

I'm a perpetual disaster. And I think I might be incapable of falling in love again. I still love people I loved before Jamie, but in the year and a half since we broke up, I haven't been able to find any new love, romantic or otherwise. The loving part of my heart has shut down. If I want love I have to reach all the way back to before college.... How do I fix that? I tried with Nick and the experiment was an utter failure.
I think we broke up yesterday. I'm not exactly sure what happened or what we are now, but I'm numb about the whole thing. I feel lost and empty and I wish he was here so I could cry in his arms, but I don't love him. And he doesn't love me, which doesn't help. I think I need someone to love me, someone to throw his arms around me and tell me it's all going to be okay.

I'm a perpetual disaster. As soon as I get one part of me cleaned up, another falls apart.

Someone please hold me! Hold me so I can properly cry! I haven't been able to cry since before Nanny died! I have no outlets anymore, nowhere to put anything, and I feel like I'm whining every time I update livejournal. Maybe I should just make the whole stupid thing private... except that the whole point of this journal is to be a way for me to reach out and ask for help. So help!

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i love you seester!

next time you're in reno, we are so hanging out and i'll do whatever you need... girlfriendy and sisterish and all that.

*HUGS*

*HUGS* Thanks, Meg. I love you too. I think I'm going to be in Reno on Saturday but I don't know how much free time I have. I'm going mainly for the balloon races and to see Lyla (I haven't seen her in... six months? a year?).

Waffles....

let me know... if we can, we can. if we can't, we can't. no worries. :)

waffles!

I will. I'll call you if I can steal a few hours.

you make me stupid!

Light some candles and listen to Weezer. I really really wish I could buy you coffee.

Coffee would be really, really nice right now.

Maybe I'll go make some.

And candles sound good... thanks.

I love you and wish I could be there! Hang in there, you're too good to take the first few guys who apply for the great job of being with you. BIG HUG

Thank you! I'm feeling a little better today after eating a TON of the jelly bellies you sent me a month ago. I have this little stash of candy and they've been sitting in there waiting for me to eat them. So today I gave in, and voila. Sugar rush straight to the brain makes Kara happy again.

I'm sorry about your crazy host mom! I can't wait to see pictures of your dive, though.

*HUG*

Awwwww... I'm sorry gal, if I could teleport over there for you, I would!

*hugz*

Thanks. Support and kind thoughts mean so much!

*hugs*