oceantheorem (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
oceantheorem) wrote2006-04-21 11:54 pm
oceantheorem) wrote2006-04-21 11:54 pm
(no subject)
What a terribly strange week. A wonderfully strange week.
I feel like the air is different this week. I'm not breathing the same stuff I breathed last year or the year before. Or even last month. I feel like the sunshine is a drug, and just going outside makes me high. I have boundless energy all of a sudden, and a strange drive to be outside. I feel compelled to be doing something, or solving some sort of puzzle, or just somehow being engaged. I don't know where all this energy came from. It's a good thing, though; I feel like I'm really, truly, genuinely happy right now. Not just the "I feel good" sort of happy, but the "my life is in line, and I am at peace with it" sort of happy. Things are where I want them, for the most part. The ones that aren't are okay. I am good. Life is sweet. Almost painfully sweet.
I lost five pounds this week, did I mention that earlier? I think it's because I climbed 5 days out of the last 7, and rode my bike a bit more than usual as well. I don't think my body is used to so much use. I haven't felt smarter this week, but my mind has felt clearer. I'm not stressed out, for the first time in... years? Since... I was three?
I can't wait to drive across the country this summer to Connecticut. Emily is going to go with me. Seems like everyone else has summer school or some sort of obligation. I'm going to go to Texas for a week in August to hang out with Ann, see my grandpa, and visit the place where Nanny's ashes were spread. Apparently it's a couple of rose bushes on the side of a church, not much to see, but I really want to visit it. I think I need that closure. I can't believe she died more than a year ago. It still feels so fresh. I still don't really believe she's dead. It's still hard to picture the world without her. Hard to picture my grandpa without her. She's such an integral part of so many happy family memories. I miss her.
I hope this weather holds up and that I can find things to do with all this boundless energy. I want to go swimming again. I want to spend more time on the beach. I went twice last week! Thank you New George and Neal for those beach moments.
Anyway. I think I'm rambling at this point, and I know I'm exhausted (finally), so I guess it's time for sleep. More in the Adventures of Insane Girl tomorrow.
I feel like the air is different this week. I'm not breathing the same stuff I breathed last year or the year before. Or even last month. I feel like the sunshine is a drug, and just going outside makes me high. I have boundless energy all of a sudden, and a strange drive to be outside. I feel compelled to be doing something, or solving some sort of puzzle, or just somehow being engaged. I don't know where all this energy came from. It's a good thing, though; I feel like I'm really, truly, genuinely happy right now. Not just the "I feel good" sort of happy, but the "my life is in line, and I am at peace with it" sort of happy. Things are where I want them, for the most part. The ones that aren't are okay. I am good. Life is sweet. Almost painfully sweet.
I lost five pounds this week, did I mention that earlier? I think it's because I climbed 5 days out of the last 7, and rode my bike a bit more than usual as well. I don't think my body is used to so much use. I haven't felt smarter this week, but my mind has felt clearer. I'm not stressed out, for the first time in... years? Since... I was three?
I can't wait to drive across the country this summer to Connecticut. Emily is going to go with me. Seems like everyone else has summer school or some sort of obligation. I'm going to go to Texas for a week in August to hang out with Ann, see my grandpa, and visit the place where Nanny's ashes were spread. Apparently it's a couple of rose bushes on the side of a church, not much to see, but I really want to visit it. I think I need that closure. I can't believe she died more than a year ago. It still feels so fresh. I still don't really believe she's dead. It's still hard to picture the world without her. Hard to picture my grandpa without her. She's such an integral part of so many happy family memories. I miss her.
I hope this weather holds up and that I can find things to do with all this boundless energy. I want to go swimming again. I want to spend more time on the beach. I went twice last week! Thank you New George and Neal for those beach moments.
Anyway. I think I'm rambling at this point, and I know I'm exhausted (finally), so I guess it's time for sleep. More in the Adventures of Insane Girl tomorrow.
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