oceantheorem | (no subject)

I'm not entirely sure if this is worthy of a livejournal post.

I couldn't go talk to Jamie before the physics midterm today (and by before, I mean this weekend) because I was studying too much... and when I went over to his place Saturday night David was there (allow me to express my deep annoyance--grrrrrrr). This whole thing has been driving me crazy. I can't believe I don't know how I feel. How can I not know how I feel? I must be suppressing something or making something up, but I don't know what, and I don't know what to do about it. On the nights when I CAN get to sleep without spending two hours thinking about Jamie, I DREAM about Jamie. Last night (since I've been studying so much physics for this stupid test), I dreamt about Jamie and physics. It's ridiculous.

So today after Latin I thought about going to talk to him, but I sort of chickened out. I went and stood at the corner near the bookstore, so I could see buses coming from either direction. I finally elected to get on a 16, which goes right up past Crown. I got on the bus, thinking, "I could get off at Crown. Or off at 9/10, and walk up the easy hill; that would be even better." But we stopped at 9/10 and I didn't get off. So I sat there feeling stupid... the bus pulled forward... and then stopped, so a girl in a wheelchair could get loaded on. So I got up (I was in the wheelchair seat area thing, so I had to move), and the bus driver suggested that I and one other girl get off the bus while she loaded the wheelchair, and she promised she'd let us back on. But I figured if fate was suggesting I get off the bus, at 9/10, then that was a good enough sign for me. So I went to Jamie's.

And I didn't talk to him. I mean, about all this.

How stupid do I feel?

And that is all.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Awwwww. I wish I could offer advice, but I don't know enough about the situation. But I send digital chocolate in any case. :)

I hate it when stuff like that happens; busses are crazy things. I wish I could say something to make you feel better; the logic in me says ‘if talking to him puts you at ease then do it; if not, then don’t.’ Actually there’s another logical part of me that says it’s been almost a week since this post and maybe something else has happened. Logic or not, youguys had a serious thing, (no matter what or whatn’t he may think,) and you deserve all the closure you feel you need.
If you ever feel like talking, give me a call or an email; hopefully we can hook up over thanksgiving.
Keep it real!

(Hehe, and another logic thing; you contradict yourself when you say that the bus driver told you to get off, then a sentence later you say that fate told you to get off.)

Well, I dunno if I even believe in fate. But I figured if I was OFF the bus at 9/10, without my own will getting me there, maybe that was a sign.

Yeah, stuff's happened since this post. I'll make a new post when I have some time to kill. I've got lots to say, certainly....

Thanks for the comfort. Hopefully we'll be able to get together over Thanksgiving. Have a good week!