friends will probably the best bet for both of you. As hard as it can be, after reading this I'd say thats where you need to draw the line. Breakups between intelligent people happen for a reason many times not entirely noticed for a long time. The fact that you are just now going over everythign means that you feel comfortable and secure enough in your current situation to dredge up all those feellings and decisions that you weren't sure about. Keep looking through those memories and learn as much as you can. You are a very intelligent person and I know you will find more each time you look.