(no subject)

[oceantheorem]

I don't know what to say, I don't know what to feel. One moment I'm making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, the next moment I'm sobbing in the kitchen. The next moment I can't remember why I was crying--no one's died. She can't be dead. How could she be dead? I talked to her a few days ago, I was there with her two weeks ago. No one dies two weeks after you say goodbye to them.

Honestly, I don't understand. I can't wrap my mind around it. She can't be dead. She's not allowed to be dead. She wasn't ready, I wasn't ready. Poopah wasn't ready. It just doesn't make sense. I keep talking about it like it happened, and it couldn't have.

And then I burst into tears, because it is true. And then I stop crying and go back to being confused.

What do I do with myself now? Why do I keep thinking about myself? I'm so selfish sometimes it stuns me. But who else am I supposed to think about right now? She's dead, there's nothing I can do for her, and everyone else is with Poopah. What do I do? What happens to me now? How do I stop bursting into tears at random moments, how do I make my mind understand that she really is dead?

How can she be dead?

Comments

[round-midnight.livejournal.com]

Oh Kara Bear, I'm so sorry. That really is sad, but at least you got to spend time with her. It sounds like she gave you some great advice and memories, and she's really proud of you. If I were there I would give you a HUGE hug. *hug* Take care of yourself girlie. I lub you.
Jen

Check an email

[ubbrenda.livejournal.com]

Hey babe, I sent you an email, I pray it helps some.
All my love that i have left to give,
bren

[thebirdnerd.livejournal.com]

** giant hugs **

[fieryminge.livejournal.com]

*HUGS*

[unrealromantic.livejournal.com]

*hug*