It's not that I don't like Yale. I do like Yale. In fact, Yale itself is wonderful and perfect, and I don't have any complaints. They treat us well, the classes are interesting, there's always free food, the research is good, even the architecture is great.
The difference, if I transferred, is location. Being closer to friends, being in an environment I actually like (New Haven is such a terrible, terrible, miserable town), being closer to family. Being closer to my sister, so I can watch her grow up. I don't have a support network out here, and it's harder to form one at this stage--a lot of people have significant others, or know people here from undergrad, or whatever. So they don't need to bond as badly as I do. I have a couple of very good friends, which WOULD make it hard to leave, and they DO make it easier to be here, but still. It's not the academics I don't like here; it's everything else.
I did go see a counselor. But I was having a good morning when I went, and while I did my best to convince the lady that things were NOT, in fact, all happy and roses, I think she thought I was nuts. Granted, I seemed happy and normal when she asked me questions... they said they didn't have any openings right then, and would get back to me within four weeks. It's been more like ten or twelve weeks now, and I haven't heard a word from them. I'm reluctant to go back, since they clearly thought I was insane for seeking help when I didn't seem to need any.
As far as "should" goes, I don't mean like what society thinks I should be doing, or what my mother thinks I should be doing, or what I should be doing to make the most money. I mean, what am I SUPPOSED to be doing with my life? If there is a higher organization to the universe, what is my place in it? Is there something I should be doing, something I'm meant to be? Is this it? Science? This is a tricky line of questioning, because I'm pretty sure I don't believe in fate. Unfortunately, it keeps coming back into my logic and thought processes as though I DO believe in it. Blah.
I don't think staying here will take strength. I think staying here is the easy thing to do. I think changing my mind would take a lot more strength. And if I've been miserable here for nine months, why do I expect that to change in the next five years? Should I really spend the greater part of my 20s doing something I'm not sure about? Should I really be in graduate school if I'm not 100% dedicated to it?
no subject
The difference, if I transferred, is location. Being closer to friends, being in an environment I actually like (New Haven is such a terrible, terrible, miserable town), being closer to family. Being closer to my sister, so I can watch her grow up. I don't have a support network out here, and it's harder to form one at this stage--a lot of people have significant others, or know people here from undergrad, or whatever. So they don't need to bond as badly as I do. I have a couple of very good friends, which WOULD make it hard to leave, and they DO make it easier to be here, but still. It's not the academics I don't like here; it's everything else.
I did go see a counselor. But I was having a good morning when I went, and while I did my best to convince the lady that things were NOT, in fact, all happy and roses, I think she thought I was nuts. Granted, I seemed happy and normal when she asked me questions... they said they didn't have any openings right then, and would get back to me within four weeks. It's been more like ten or twelve weeks now, and I haven't heard a word from them. I'm reluctant to go back, since they clearly thought I was insane for seeking help when I didn't seem to need any.
As far as "should" goes, I don't mean like what society thinks I should be doing, or what my mother thinks I should be doing, or what I should be doing to make the most money. I mean, what am I SUPPOSED to be doing with my life? If there is a higher organization to the universe, what is my place in it? Is there something I should be doing, something I'm meant to be? Is this it? Science?
This is a tricky line of questioning, because I'm pretty sure I don't believe in fate. Unfortunately, it keeps coming back into my logic and thought processes as though I DO believe in it. Blah.
I don't think staying here will take strength. I think staying here is the easy thing to do. I think changing my mind would take a lot more strength. And if I've been miserable here for nine months, why do I expect that to change in the next five years? Should I really spend the greater part of my 20s doing something I'm not sure about? Should I really be in graduate school if I'm not 100% dedicated to it?