oceantheorem: (coffee life)
I'm not sure anything in particular really needs to be written, but it's nearly noon, and I'm at work with nothing to do, and I am bored, and I want to write.

We found a new place to live and started moving in earlier this week. Unfortunately, our gorgeous, beautiful, spacious new house (which we'll be sharing with three housemates) attacked me on the first night, and I had to get my kneecap x-rayed on Monday to make sure I hadn't shattered it. I'm mostly fine now, and am off the crutches already, but my knee is still very sore, and stairs in particular are still problematic. So I'm not doing much at work today. Just sitting. It's better than sitting in the new house without anything at all to do - at least there is internet here, and I had a long chat with Ulf this morning about science - but it's still pretty boring. So I might as well catch up on writing and other creative pursuits.

Overall, life is really good. We love the new house. I'm still very much in love with San Francisco, and am thrilled to be moving to an area that will test that love a little less - we're leaving the high-crime, filthy, noisy downtown/SoMa area and will no longer have crackheads and other bums screaming in the alley outside our apartment every night. The new house is on a street with a bunch of other houses, and the only noises I heard last night were a cat yowling and a dog barking. I can handle these noises.

Also, there is a coffee shop literally across the street. This is bliss.

Our social calendar has been delightfully full lately. We've had board game nights and hiking excursions and dinners with friends. We're both pretty happy with our social circle here. It feels solid and supportive. I'm so glad we moved out here. I miss our Michigan friends, but California is so great in so many ways....

Let's see... what else is new? Jim went Paleo, and has stopped eating all grains and sugar. He's lost a lot of weight. I worry about how much protein he's eating and how he avoids any carbohydrates at all, but he says he'll stop being so drastic about it once he gets back to his target weight (and he's nearly there). I have not gone Paleo, though I am at Jim's mercy for dinner since he's the cook in our family, and I have also tried to cut out sugar. I've lost about fifteen pounds this summer, kind of accidentally. I guess sugar is a lot worse for weight than I had thought. I now weigh what I did in high school, which is shocking (and delightful!). I had to buy new pants. And shirts. (Woe is me, right? How terrible. I just wish we actually had a budget that allowed for a new wardrobe right now.)

Yeah. I think that's it for now. I'm not feeling terribly introspective at the moment. Just wanted to get down a snapshot of where life is at the moment. 
oceantheorem: (don't wok)
I don't know why I didn't post yesterday. I've just been tired lately. I got into bed at like 9:30. Didn't get to sleep until midnight, but hey... progress...?

Yesterday I was grateful for coffee, and the quiet sanctuary of the mouse room when no one else is in it, and friendship.

I wish I had more friends in Michigan. Why does it get so hard to make friends when you start to get older? I used to have this amazing support group. Now everyone is scattered, and focused on their own stuff, and it's hard.

This entry sort of fails at positive thinking, doesn't it? Hmmm.
oceantheorem: (french kiss)
1. Inspections that go well (I know, this is a cop-out. I'm tired...)
2. Goat's milk
3. Video chat that lets me talk to my best friend for two hours even though she lives a thousand miles away.

Also, I watched French Kiss tonight, because I hadn't seen it in... uhhh... a year. And it's a good movie. I'd forgotten how hilarious it is...
Okay, sleep time now!
oceantheorem: (emperor's new groove feel the power)
 Guys! GUYS! Oh man. I'm posting in my journal AGAIN.

Life is really, really, really good right at this moment. I wanted to write it down, to capture it, to keep it forever. It is WARM outside (I don't know where spring went. It snowed here two weeks ago, and now it is 80 outside and muggy and LOVELY) and summer is here. The sliding glass door is open. I'm cooking a lovely marinated steak, and an artichoke. I'm drinking beer. I got a birthday card from Jim's parents that is signed, "Love, Mom and Dad." My friend Anne sent me a hilarious knitted whip (she's such a Slytherin, deep down) for my birthday. My best friend Ann sent me a box of incredibly good dark chocolate (does it GET any better than a box of dark chocolate??). I am marrying the most wonderful, sweetest, cleverest, offbeat man I have ever met.

Okay. Maybe the beer is getting to me a bit. I'm definitely feeling sappy. But life feels so, so good right now. Everything, in this moment, is just right.
oceantheorem: (knit I heart)
 Yay, I'm writing something!

Is it too late to do a Rhinebeck wrap-up?  Maybe it is, because my memory is foggy. All I remember is alpaca, alpaca, alpaca. And some really amazing people.

Yeah, this entry got long. Really, really long. Click here. )
oceantheorem: (shiny bookstore)
 My best friend came to visit me over the weekend!  We hadn't seen each other in over two years, so it was great to be able to spend some time hanging out and catching up.  She was here for four days, and I think we were both pretty worn out by the end of it.  We did get to fit in old traditions like hanging out in a bookstore searching for the best word:cost ratio and hanging out watching a movie and drinking beer.  I missed those times.

We put purple streaks in her hair, and I decided (at the last minute) that I wanted to do something drastic instead of doing streaks again (I did them three years ago and really liked them... but I wanted to do something different this time).
I think we both turned out really well! (I just realized I don't have any good pictures of her completed streaks!)





I took her to a party Friday night with our typical Friday night/Earthdawn friends, and she didn't kill them! It was a miracle.
I find it funny that it's possible to be friends with people with such varied personalities that there is little to no chance of all of one person's friends liking each other.
The party was fun, though. Much vodka was consumed.



We went to the Detroit Zoo on Saturday, along with Jim, and wandered around for a couple hours. It's a small zoo, but they had some fun stuff.  As always, the giraffes were my favorite.



In other news, I finished Melusine!  And dyed it!
It's smaller than anticipated, and the colors are darker and less obviously placed in a scale-type pattern, but I really like it.

There is a possibility someone on Ravelry will buy it, or at least give me more yarn in exchange for it, so that's pretty awesome. I mean, it's not like I needed another shawl for myself. :-P
oceantheorem: (was lost now I live here)
 So, all three grad schools rejected me.  Stanford had the decency to send me a paper rejection in the mail.  UCSF actually made me download a pdf rejecting me.  Gee, thanks, UCSF.

I'm still not quite sure what the next step is.  This does mean we won't be moving to California in August.  Jim and I talked about it and agreed we'll move out of Michigan the following summer, no matter what, because neither one of us can stomach the idea of indefinite winters in Michigan.  To be perfectly honest, the idea of just one more winter here makes me feel like a little bird in a cage, throwing itself repeatedly against the bars until it knocks itself out.  I want out.  There's just no way to swing that this year, unfortunately.  So we'll start planning and saving and make it work in 2011.

Last weekend I took a road trip to New England. It was completely outside our budget, but it was definitely worth the expense.  It was waaay too short a trip, but I did get to see all my favorite Yalies, and eat delicious coastal sushi.  Never underestimate the value of hugging your friends in person when you're going through hard times. Or of full-strength wasabi after a year of cheap weak stuff.

The point of the trip was actually to go to Massachusetts for a yarn gathering.  The group I'm in on Ravelry, HPKCHC, was having a meetup at a ginormous yarn store, and as more and more people said they'd be there, it got harder for me to resist going.  The people on this forum have been my family, my life support for the last six months.  I do have a few friends in Michigan, and I love them, but it's not the same as the support network I'm used to having.  This knitting group has helped make up the difference, so I couldn't pass up a chance to meet some of my favorite people in person.

It was awesome.  Everyone was just as wonderful, or more so, than I had expected.  We only spent a few hours together, milling around this ridiculous yarn store, and then going to lunch, but it was definitely worth the 1400-mile round trip.  It was so nice to put faces and real names to Rav names.

There are a lot of pictures.  Here.

I spent $9.47 on yarn. I was very proud of myself for staying under my budget of $10.

I got 2 skeins of the blue and 1 of yellow. Should make a nice warm hat.

There is, of course, lots of other stuff going on.  But I think those are the big things.
oceantheorem: (keep searching answers come)
Christmas this year turned out to be sort of surprising.

For various reasons (I just tried-and failed-to write a post about them-I am slightly sick today and I think my writing skills are suffering for it), I don't like Christmas. That hasn't changed, but I definitely feel like... I dunno.

I didn't ask for anything this year, knowing I couldn't get gifts for anyone in exchange, and the whole obligatory gift exchange thing has always kind of irked me (shouldn't we buy things for each other because we like each other and because we find things that remind us of each other, and not just because it's December? doesn't December mean we celebrate the return of the sun? what does that have to do with gifts? even if Christmas is about the birth of some people's savior, what does THAT have to do with gifts? isn't that about giving thanks or something?).

Somehow, though, I ended up with a small mountain of gifts on Christmas morning. Friends from all over the country sent care packages. I got presents from New York, Michigan, Nevada, Pennsylvania, California.... And my family here also completely ignored my protests that I didn't need gifts, and added to the pile.

I think by far the best thing I got this year was the reminder that people care about me. To have friends remember me and send me things while I am hiding and trying to pretend Christmas doesn't exist... well, in the last couple months I have been becoming more and more of a sensitive sap (one of the notes that came with the gifts actually made me cry). So. I am touched, and humbled, by the outpouring of gifts I received this year. I don't think, looking back over the last 12 months, that I deserved anything at all.
So maybe gift-giving does convey what "Christmas" should be about. Love.
Thank you for your friendship. I hope to be worthy of it in the coming year.
oceantheorem: (alexis bledel)
Ann came down to visit me this weekend. New Haven is so much more bearable when you've got a best friend. I feel like I actually had a bit of a break from qualifying, and I didn't even have to feel guilty about it. We saw Feast of Love on Friday night (and I sobbed, of course), and on Saturday afternoon we went apple picking with a ton of my Yale friends. It was a beautiful fall afternoon and we got to wander through a corn maze.... It was a nice weekend.

Of course, since I did zero work while she was here, I'll be behind for the rest of the week, but sometimes it's worth it, you know?

Also, as is usually the case when I see emotional movies, I am still suffering the after-effects of Feast of Love. These include doubting my current life situation, my decision to remain in graduate school, and my desire to remain in science in general. However, along with these doubts also came a renewed sense of self-value, which is nice, because I think one of the major side effects of qualifying is a complete destruction of self-esteem.

Anyway. The soundtrack is really good. So... back to reading papers now, but at least I've got a good new playlist for the week.
oceantheorem: (I believe in science)
Okay, I'm doing a bad job of updating.

The weekend was awesome. I drove to Woods Hole to visit Ann. Apparently, though, just driving to Woods Hole would have been too boring for me, so I "decided" to drive to Boston first. I didn't realize where I was until I was almost ten miles past Boston. I stopped, turned around, and drove back south to Woods Hole, where I met up with Ann and some of her friends and we watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith on this gigantic screen in their student lounge thingy. Saturday morning we slept in, then went kayaking. "Kayaking", for Ann and me, means "paddling out to the buoy and proceeding to throw one another out of the kayak until it drifts far enough back in to shore that we have to paddle it back out again, repeating until covered in bruises." It took about two hours before we wore ourselves out enough to stop trying to throw each other out every time we got back into the kayak.
My right knee is still a bit swollen.

Sunday morning I drove back to New Haven so I could go to my lab's wiffleball game. Now that I and the other first-year have joined, about half our lab makes up about a quarter of the wiffleball team. One of my labmates was hosting this week's game, so we got a bit tipsy at her place first, then trekked over to the local high school and set up a game in one of the empty fields there. We had fifteen people show up. Our team was down 5-0 for most of the game, but in the last two innings we made a comeback to win 6-5. Then we all went back to the house and stuffed ourselves silly. My labmate makes the best ribs I've ever had.

And now, for some comic relief: I've been reading about sperm production and whatnot, because it's tangentially related to my thesis. I came across this figure today, in an old Science article:

Science, vol 316, pg 405. (Click to see a larger, clearer, version.)

It is a diagram showing that tissue from a small boy's testis can be cryopreserved, whilst he throws a baseball to his future self, who receives a sperm transplant while concurrently catching said baseball.
WTF.

Also,
I'm so jealous.
oceantheorem: (do not forget to live)
My hand is still killing me. I think I'm going to try to avoid my computer ALL DAY tomorrow to give it a chance to heal, but for now I think I really need to write. This week has just been crazy.

Thursday morning I went to talk to our admissions coordinator, who is really awesome and has helped me out with a few other freakouts. I told her I was thinking about transferring and what did she think, and she said she thought I'd already made up my mind, and that if I was miserable, then I should go. So I started crying. We talked for about twenty more minutes, and she gave me some suggestions for which steps to take next and who to speak to, and how taking a year off works, and what to tell Yale if I did that and used my time off to reapply to UCSF. It was a crazy conversation. I felt like a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders--they're gonna let me go home!--and at the same time I felt a deep sense of panic--there are things here I've come to love, and there's no guarantee I'd get those things back. I've got great friends here, and I really do like Yale.

In fact, I spent the rest of Thursday thinking, "This is crazy. I've been wanting to transfer since I got here, and finally a professor suggests it and an administrator supports it, and I don't want to go anymore?"
Friday morning I met with the campus counselor. She was largely useless. I spent the full 45 minutes giving her the backstory and explaining stuff and never really got to discussing the future. The only thing I decided was that I should make a giant pro/con list.
Then I went to talk to Susan again, and she informed me that she might not have enough funding to take any grad students this year. I ignored this, because she's crazy, and there will be funding, or, or... or... um... I'll just show up and start working and she'll deal with it. We also talked again about transferring, and she was supportive. Now I'm starting to wonder--do they not want me here?

Thing is, I really have been thinking about transferring since... since before I left Santa Cruz. I promised myself, back in April 2006, that I would give it one good year at Yale. That I would try my hardest, and do my best to fit in, and that at the end of that year I'd reevaluate, and if I was miserable I'd come home. I made this pact before I ever even left California, and I've held onto it like a security blanket. That faint hope got me through the long dark winter. But at some point I stopped hanging on to it as a real hope; maybe once I realized I'd missed the application deadline for the 07-08 school year, I stopped thinking that it was a reasonable hope. Thinking about it this week as something I could ACTUALLY do was both exciting and terrifying. The parts of me (the very few, small parts of me) that have actually managed to settle in New Haven and bond with Yale are reluctant to let go and take the risk of starting over. I really would have to start over; this year would be a complete academic loss. I might get some classes waived, but I'd have to do rotations and be a first year student all over again. On the other hand... California.

California.

It's almost, almost enough to think that I'll go back after I graduate. To think that there are only four or five more years to give to New Haven, and then I never have to leave California again. But the miserable part of me screams and writhes to contemplate four or five more years away from the sunshine, the fog, the climbing walls, the weed (and still, I don't even smoke). I guess I just have to sit down and figure out how much of me still really wants to leave, and how much of me is just afraid to let go of the idea that I can leave. In some ways, realizing that I CAN transfer has made me feel a lot better about staying; I originally felt that I came to Yale for some specific reason, that I'm SUPPOSED to be here, and I'm staying here because I'm SUPPOSED to. But since Thursday I've felt like maybe I'm here because I choose to be here. And does that make all the difference? I'm not sure yet.

I had a really good conversation with my mom (actually, two of them) this week. I finally decided to take a chance and tell her what I was actually going through, so I opened up (and expected to be ignored or brushed off), and amazingly she was really supportive and helpful and honest. We talked about living alone, and being 21, and sleep paralysis and how it's linked to feeling insecure. We talked about transferring, and mood drugs, and expensive counselors. And holistic healing and how her insurance will cover it, so I can go have some weird voodoo performed on my midsection and maybe it will stop destroying my life. Anyway, it was awesome to talk to my mom so directly again, to be Rory and Lorelai and actually connect. I missed that. I'm glad it's still there.

And it's been a good weekend. I've hung out with friends, gotten drunk and gossipped (and on a side note, I had the desire to drunk dial people last night, and went through a list of possibilities, and only realized this morning that Graham was on the list and Jamie wasn't--which reinforces that I'm correct in saying I'm over him), slept, and had a lovely two hours alone in lab (I love empty labs) doing minipreps and cell culture, followed by hanging out sober at a bar with two of my favorite people in the world. How could I leave these things? Even for California?
oceantheorem: (turtle love)
Oh, what a terrible week.
Thursday night I stayed up late working on the fake grant/term paper, and around 2 am I collapsed into bed, hyped up on caffeine but way too exhausted to write anything coherent.
At about 3 am, my eyes opened and I saw my room, and I "saw" someone come into the room to attack me. I distantly knew that I was asleep, and tried to get up so I could defend myself, but I couldn't move. I somehow flung myself out of bed, but couldn't get any sort of finer movement control, so I stumbled/fell in various directions, trying to get hold of something I could use to defend myself, but really not being able to move at all. I realized in the back of my mind that I had to wake up, so I started yelling at myself to wake up, except I couldn't speak either, so it came out as more of a croaked, "Kaaarrra! Kaarrrra!" Somehow I fell back into the bed and couldn't get up again, and the guy was going to hurt me, and I jerked awake, and the creepy thing is that I'm pretty sure my eyes had already been open, because I was looking at the exact same scene in my bedroom, just minus an attacker. I mean, lighting, angles, position of stuff on floor, all exactly the same. It was sooo scary. I jumped out of bed, turned on all the lights, and called Evan, who talked me down and gave me some good suggestions for how to recover. After we got off the phone, I curled up in front of the computer (all the lights in the apartment still on), and watched two episodes of Lost (okay, I see the irony in watching Lost to calm yourself down...). I think I got back to sleep around 5 or 5:30...

I woke up after about four hours and sort of got back to work. I finished the grant around 1, and went into lab around 2 to feed my cells. After that, I stopped by the Baserga lab to say hello, and to let them know I was okay, because I'd been in the day before twice and had not been in good shape. I hung out with them for an hour or so and then went to the dog park with Kat when her girlfriend picked her up with their dogs. Then all three of us went to Emily H's going-away party (she's transferring to Dartmouth). And after THAT I went waltzing with a couple other classmates. It was a crazy night, but lots of fun, and it felt great to not be writing that stupid grant.

Yesterday morning I woke up to go shopping with Nolan (Kat's girlfriend). We went to Target, and I got a navy blue linen skirt, a creamsicle-colored linen shirt, and a pair of jeans. Then I came home and went out again, to see TMNT with another friend. It was a really good movie, surprisingly, especially considering I barely remember watching the TV show when I was little. I think I was too young for it.
Yesterday evening there was a triple birthday gathering at Sullivan's, the Irish pub downtown that I adore, so Emily and I went to that and got wonderfully drunk. Then Kat and Nolan picked us up and took us to a lesbian bar in Hartford, so we could dance to decent music and meet some of their friends. Emily and I pretended to be together whenever anyone we didn't know looked at us, and danced, and drank, and had a wonderful time. For me, it was like being back inside spring quarter last year, dancing at the Dakota with the gay boys and loving life. It was a strange blend of past and present, and made me feel a little happier about Connecticut.

Actually, many things lately have made me a little happier about Connecticut. I noticed myself thinking, "I love New Haven" the other day, and while I don't think it's necessarily true (although, I could love just about ANYthing), I think it's a good sign that my hatred of New Haven is wearing off, and I'm not resisting the change as much anymore. I'm giving in! I'm adjusting! Yay!

It's raining terribly today, which is actually acceptable, because it's clearly a spring storm, and I'm inside all warm and happy. I bought a book yesterday, Neil Gaiman's Stardust, and have spent most of the afternoon reading it in bed, all huddled up and enjoying being in a fantasy world again. One thing I don't like about grad school is the relative lack of time in which I can read fiction without feeling guilty; so many of my reading hours are spent reading scientific articles and learning wonderful things about how cells work, which is wonderful, but into every life some imagination must fall. Today has been a good day. It's been a good weekend in general, and I feel six orders of magnitude better than I did 72 hours ago.

Also, I may have developed a new crush. I suppose I shouldn't say too much more, for fear of jinxing it, but if things continue the way they are going, perhaps soon I will be able to say that my crush has amounted to something real. In the meantime, I'm getting sort of girlishly giddy about the whole thing.

Also also, I'm going to be a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding in July!!! I have to say that this is the most excited I've been in a long time. I'm gonna be a bridesmaid! And wear a pretty dress and be in my favorite cousin's wedding! I'm ecstatic!
Also, I am going to knit her something red and lovely and wonderful for her wedding gift, although I have no idea yet what form that something will take.

And now, I'm off to Emily's to watch Firefly and knit, and then to another friend's house to watch Angel.
oceantheorem: (banana slugs)
First off, I LOVE the new lj layout. Okay, moving on.

Tuesday I took off and left lab as soon as I could. It was cool to learn HPLC and sort of purify proteins Tuesday morning, but I was totally ready to end that rotation. I think I just really, REALLY need spring break. And suddenly I have a week and a half at my complete and utter disposal! Anyway. I took off Tuesday afternoon and drove to Falmouth, Massachusetts (near Woods Hole) to visit Ann, who was interviewing with the MIT/Woods Hole joint marine biology program. I met up with her at a pub in Falmouth and we drank beer on MIT's tab and talked and caught up. She loved the slug I knit for her (pictures are coming!) and I swear, every single person in the bar came over to ask us, "What IS that??!!" And each time we had to explain that it was a banana slug, followed by WHY it was a banana slug.

Yesterday morning we got up super early and drove into Woods Hole to buy breakfast and coffee, and to find a suitable place for Ann to touch the Atlantic. It was a gorgeous morning in Cape Cod. I think it was showing off for her. It was warm (okay, we were shivering) and sunny and the ocean was just the right shade of Cape Cod blue (not Santa Cruz blue, mind you, but still very pretty). We drove around the town a little bit before heading north toward Boston. My Google directions failed to tell us that our highway changed names, so we freaked out and stopped to buy maps, and then realized we were going the right way, but the purchases turned out to be justified, because the Google directions REALLY failed us once to GOT to Boston, whereupon we became immediately and nearly irrevocably lost. I think we saw half of Boston, driving around on one-way streets, before we managed to find our way to Newbury Street, which the internet said was the best place in Boston to shop. We finally found a (super expensive!) parking lot, left the car, and walked along the street window shopping. It was warm enough for just light jackets, and the wind was gently blowing, and life just felt... good. It was a nice day. We got pizza and hung out in a giant Barnes and Noble. I got to fondle the leather in the Levenger store. And we chatted and got caught up and just generally had a good morning. I took her to the airport (with a minimal amount of getting lost), and then realized I'd never bothered to Google the directions to get home from Boston. So I meandered my way toward I-95, which I knew was SOMEwhere south of the airport, and eventually made it back that way. I got home at 4:15, just 23.5 hours after leaving Tuesday afternoon. It was a super fast trip and definitely not enough time with Ann, but it was a really good day.

I took a two-hour nap (~450 miles in 23.5 hours, on very little sleep, ouch), then went to a dinner party at Emily's. Her roommate got a creme brulee kit, so we drank wine and flamed our own creme and it was awesome. I came home tired and happy, sweet tooth definitely satisfied.

This morning I got up super early again to drive Andrew to the airport. The weather was definitely not as friendly today. It rained. But it was a nice, warm, gentle rain, the kind that means spring is on its way and the worst of the winter is over. It was a hopeful rain (which was good, because on the drive back from Boston yesterday, the weather was gorgeous but I was definitely not in a hopeful mood. I listened to some of the first music I ever bought, in the eighth grade, and cried because the stupid sappy emotionalness of it seems to fit my exact romantic situation right now, way more than it ever did when I was 13 and thought it was so poignant). I stopped at two yarn shops on the way back (Google redeemed itself) and ended up buying some Noro Kureyon. Oh my god. I love the colorway. It's greens and browns and just a touch of blue--it's all earthy and dark and I dunno, if it had a name I would name it Redwood Forest Mulch.
See it here... and here. (All colorways here.)
It's not terribly soft; I'm going to make a bag out of it and felt it. This is, I admit, a bit absurd, because I'm making a bag out of Cascade 220 that I'm going to felt, and then I'll have two extraordinarily similarly constructed bags, but they'll be wildly different in color and texture, and slightly different in size. And I just couldn't resist the Noro. Maybe it's its reputation, but honestly I think it's the colorway that I love. I found a cheaper knockoff, but the colors sucked, so I went with the real deal.
Anyway, enough about yarn.

Shannon and I went to a used bookstore today. She bought me coffee and we sat between the shelves and held books and talked. It was good. It felt so... life (I know that's not an adjective; be quiet). Maybe "real" is the word I want. I felt like I existed. I guess lately I've just felt like things have been happening to me, but the last few days have felt more like real life. I feel like I'm living again. It felt so good to drink coffee and sit near books with a friend; it felt like something I would do. You know, me. Whoever that is... wherever she went...
I guess maybe I'm just finally catching up with myself; my body got here in July and now my soul and heart are catching up.

Speaking of my heart.... This is a reminder to myself of the advice my mother gave me in June of 2004: "Just. Stop. Thinking. About him." It seemed so obvious, and yet I never seem to remember that it's an option. So this is a reminder. EVEN if I believe I made a mistake, I can't do anything about it now. Life is just too short to sit around and cry about mistakes you've made; you have to truck on forwards and hope that you can make up for it when a better time comes around. I KNOW a better time will come around; I feel that in my soul, in every fiber. So I just need to enjoy life and make myself a better person and be READY when that time comes.

Part II

Jan. 5th, 2007 09:39 am
oceantheorem: (Default)
Anyway, where was I? )
oceantheorem: (martini truth)
All right, fuck it with the secrecy. I don't make friends-only posts anymore because I got tired of hiding my feelings, and so I've simply been censoring what I type. But now I'm sick of that too, and everyone knows my secrets as of today, so fuck it. Well, most of my secrets, anyway. There are a few I won't commit to the internet.

People here are vindictive. )
oceantheorem: (women and tea)
I've been so lax in updating recently. I haven't said anything worthwhile in ages. I'm doing a really bad job of recording this year....

Long and rambly )
oceantheorem: (peace fortune)
After I made that long post the other day, a good friend of mine, [livejournal.com profile] tryptonique, whom I've known since the dawn of time (or high school) sent me a fantastic email. It's long, but very thoughtful, and I particularly felt that the last few paragraphs were very relevant. He said I could post it, so y'all can read it... So here it is.

Parts that I found particularly thought-provoking are in bold.

Follow the cut... )

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